Whether it’s your toddler who refuses to eat vegetables or
your preschooler who throws tantrums at bedtime, stubborn kids in your life can
easily turn every of your single day into a struggle. Arguing is not only
stressful, but also counterproductive, as this make them think that they have
more control over the situation than you do. You have to combine between
sincerity and guides to persuade your stubborn child to do what you want him
to.
A stubborn kid
Instructions
1.
Choose your battles. If your child insists on wearing his favorite color
every day or refuses some dishes, don’t force them. Save the arguments for
important issues, such as when he refuses to wear any clothes or throw all the
food except for the sweets.
2.
Allow your child to explain why he is so stubborn. He may be stubborn
because he feels powerless and explaining let him feel validated even if it
doesn’t change your mind. You may even learn that he has a reasonable opinion.
For instance, if he doesn’t want to go to sleep just because there’re 3 more
pages left in the book, it is reasonable to let him finish reading.
Allow the child to
explain why he is so stubborn
3.
Give your child options. This makes him feel that he has control over
the situation. For example, before cooking diner, say “We have carrots, peas
and squash for the salad tonight. Which one do you want honey?” If he refuses
all the options you gave him, calmly remind them that it is not one of his
choices and ask him to choose another one.
4.
Explain the reason why you want him to do what you say. Try to
articulate your reasons in a way that your child can see his best interests.
For example, instead of saying “You should let John choose the game”, say
“Unless you let John select the game sometimes, he may not want to play with
you anymore.” This gives him a specific reason to listen to you.
5.
Turn troubling situations into games or privileges. Instead of asking
for him to clean his room, make a game to see how fast he can clean the room or
you can say that you need him to be a “special supporter” by helping you to
clean the house.
Tell him that you
need him to be a “special supporter” by helping you to clean the house
6.
Praise your child when he does what you want without fighting back. Say
thank you when he follows to your instructions. A positive support may
encourage the child to do what you want.
7. Make
a good example of compromise for your child. If you argue with your husband or
your parents in front of the child, he will learn that only solve disagreements
by forcing others to give in. instead, compromise with each other to show him
that this is the right way to solve the problem.
