Parenting methods of the Japanese have 5
interesting characteristics.
Here is a synthesis of 5 different
important rules of child education from the east and west
Parenting
methods of the Japanese have 5 interesting characteristics.
The battle of lunch box
Most of my American friends have several
remarkable stories about helping children sleep separately. They often talk
about this with pride and humor, about the difficulties that they have to
suffer from when they try to get their children sleep alone, separately from
the cradle.
On the contrary, the stories about getting
children into bed and their sleeping schedules always bore us while the
Japanese moms never have to tell aloud to their children about this. If you’re
raising your children in Japanese, foods will be the ones which obsess you the
most.
The Japanese plan to absorb 30 different
kinds of foods into the body every day. They have many ways to get their
children eating vegetables without any doubt. I saw cakes made from spinach,
attractive plane-shape carrot cuts or Hello Kitty cauliflower.
Look
at the lunch box, people can judge the abilities of raising children of a
Japanese mom.
The “cute lunch box fight” start getting
harder when your children in kindergarten. The battle won’t stop unless the
children go to college. If you’re a mom in Japan, you will be silently judged
on the ability of making attractive and nutritious lunch box.
You can choose not to take part in the
battle if you raise children in other country. Like an English friend of mine
explained: “I’ll pretend not understanding the obligation that I don’t agree
with. However, after considering about the fact that Japanese take the food
issue seriously, I want to politely ask you to wear your apron on and take part
in the battle.
“Escalator school” and “Kyoiku Mama”
Kyoiku Mama is a phrase that is used to
mention about moms that are obsessed with education. When Japanese men have to
work all day, the parenting responsibility completely belongs to mothers. Some
people carry out the responsibility with strictness of a samurai.
While American or Canadian parents often
apply the methods learned from the Mensa notebook on their 3-year-old children
or let the children listen to Baby Einstein when they’re just as big as a pea
in their mother’s womb, in Japan, with the not-a-second-chance school system,
Japanese moms’ craziness for the education is a familiar concept.
The madness early comes from the final aim
of getting into escalator schools. “Escalator school” is a school system that
includes all the school levels, from kindergarten to university.
Famous
universities are always aims of moms who are dubbed “Kyoiku mama”.
Most of us – foreign moms in Japan all try
our best on making our children get into school that use our mother language
and many of us choose must choose home based learning.
Being a teacher, I refuse making any
specific advice about raising children and educating them. It’s simple because
there’re many right ways to do so. Every mom has to make their own research,
review, consideration and struggle with specific choice in this country.
Remember when your little angle start speak
meaningful words is when you have to think about difficult choices in educating
and being moms in Japan – those choices seem to be completely different from
the ways you were raised at your country.
Mom’s patience
There’s one thing that I hardly agree with
the most is the common sense of Japanese about being moms, which is the
complete trust in patience. I was carefully trained in the way to raise
children so that they can adapt to living in a big family that was full of
cousins in America. I was trained to be a babysitter who knew how to give
advice about renting camp and camping. I teach swimming and other subjects.
Nonetheless, I never see any American mother who can keep her calm and be
willing to accept the aggressive actions of her angry child.
However, during many years raising my
children in Japan, I have witnessed many views that are typical for the
patience of Japanese moms.
I
have witnessed many views that are typical for the patience of Japanese moms.
The patience the Japanese has may come from their mothers
My surprise gradually becomes understanding
or agreement. I figure out the tolerance of Japanese moms and recognize it can
express the strength of them. I learned that we shouldn’t punish children when
they have aggressive actions. I learned to be calm, hold their hands tight and
wait till the feelings are gone, which I observe a Japanese mom did. I learned
that patience is a mom’s characteristic, but above all, I know that there’s no
common formula to express mom’s love. There’re only things that suit to you and
your children.
Tacit rules
To be a mom here, you have to know that
there’re always rules in Japan. Though they’re not announced but, you have to
follow. It could be wearing shoes in the house, tailoring the school bag that
ought to be under the span and spread standard, doing volunteers for school’s
soccer teams or the way Japanese school cope with bullying. In addition,
there’re strict rules about sports and extracurricular activities, which many
of us can’t understand.
You
need to know about silent rules if you want to be a mom in the country.
Before you let you children attend in any
course or school in Japan, do researches on all of the silent rules, expecting
problems before they happen and have a talk with your husband about solutions.
Don’t wait till you meet them in way. Prepare for the obstacles that surely
appear and make plans to prevent them.
Society is more important than husband
West people have a concept that is the
conjugal relationship is a basement of a family. A happy and good relationship
between husband and wife will foster the relationship between parents and
children, and keeping the relationship after their children move out is one of
the most important things. It’s necessary to spend time with their behalf a
part from the time with their children is an essential element to maintain a
happy family.
Nevertheless, once you’re a mom in Japan,
you’re no longer a real behalf of your husband. You will be more likely a mom
of your children. You will often communicate with other moms whose children are
your children’s friends and your husband will join the office. The hole
separating Japanese married couple gets bigger gradually as the society
encourages it to be.
You
should look for the benefits of you and your husband to keep family happiness
despite the disapproval of society.
You should look for the benefits of you and
your husband to keep family happiness despite the disapproval of society. When
there was no support of babysitter in the first 8 years of our children, I and
my husband had to create some ways to refresh out relationship. We had personal
date like watching movies at home when all the kids were sleeping or walk along
the beach in the early morning. In any country, parent’s jobs always affect the
conjugal relationship but, in Japan, you have to work harder to protect it.
Wherever you are – East or West, North or
South, in Japan or any place else, have a toast for the parent’s day in May and
be thankful about all the restless efforts of your parents.
