Their hands-on parenting can inspire, or
give you a complex! Say hello to new-age dads this Father’s Day!
My 6-year-old shares a bond with me that
most mothers and daughters are likely to have. But, when I observe her narrating
an incident that happened in school exclusively to her dad, I realize that a
father’s role in a child’s life is not just different, but also indispensable
and special. Over the years, the role of a father has undergone a drastic
change, especially in India. We asked some experts and dads from across the
nation to share their insights.
A new role
Hyderabad-based Ravi Nair, who works the
night shift with a software firm, fondly remembers his 7-year-old son’s
nappy-changing days. “My wife had a C-section, so I knew she would need to
rest, especially at night. So, I took a break from office and stepped in to
manage the initial child-care duties like changing nappies full of poo;
sometimes even washing them,” he says. “I never felt that this was a role alien
to me; in fact, I feel that it made a crucial difference in my bonding with my
child,” he adds.
This scenario would possibly not have
occurred a few decades ago. However, “We are noticing a shift in traditional
parental roles, specially in upper class India,” says Jodhpur-based sociologist
Dr. Kirti Rajimwale. “Although our society is still mostly patriarchal, joint
families are now being replaced by nuclear ones, and as more and more women are
going out to work, fathers are realizing that their involvement is a necessity
for both the child and the mother,” she adds. Also, she notes that earlier with
larger families and joint living, children had siblings and cousins to share
things with, so the absence of the father was not so apparent, but now with
single kids and the size of the family shrinking, fathers are needed and
missed.
What’s more, popular celebrity culture is
also reflecting this trend. “With more and more examples like Saif Ali Khan or
Aamir Khan, who have never hesitated in showing their delicate side, on the
rise,” says Mumbai-based psychotherapist Reema Shah, it’s quite cool to be seen
in an involved father’s role. Hollywood too has several hands-on dads like Brad
Pitt and David Beckham.
What’s driving it?
Child Advisor Reena Nath feels that this
shift in roles has been pushed by socio-economic factors. “It’s not just
emancipation and evolution of the parenting role, but also compulsion. In an
atmosphere where there is no job security, and promotion are also not a given,
women have had to step in and till the monetary gap,” she observes. “Men
recognize this reality too, but the positive change has been that even if they
are filling in for moms out of a sense of compulsion, they are not complaining.
They are thrilled to explore this new dimension to their role,” she adds.
Even Shah has noticed a change in her field
– counseling. Earlier fathers would come only when called in, today, they
accompany their kids from the very first meeting onwards. Also, since there is
an influx of women into the workforce, men have chosen to either provide
support by being there with their children when Mom is out, or to even explore
the option of working from home. Many companies are offering flexible timings
and work options, in recognition of this paradigm shift.
