“You go crazy when your children keep talking about their
stories. Some children often disturb you before they learn about the
impatience. There are tips for you to control your children below”.
Being the mother of three 8-year-old children, Susan
Lieberman knows how to be disturbed by her kids’ stories, “when 6-year-old
daughter wants to tell me something, she will speak it out immediately.”
However, with the experience of a psychologist for parents, Lieberman knows it
is just a normal behavior of children, “they don’t mean to interrupt or be
stubborn. They are just interested in stories. Everything seems so exciting and
huge in their world.”
You have to start
telling children that disturbing others is a bad habit.
However, it doesn’t mean that you have to listen to
everything they tell. If you spend a period of time and a moderate attention,
they will limit to disturb you. There are tips and techniques which help you
control your children.
Ages: 3 - 4
Ages: 3 - 4
Advice: Children under 3 years old are not matured enough to
control themselves, so you can’t expect that they don’t interrupt you. However,
children in this age are able to stop several seconds to think, and if you stimulate
them, they can think in some minutes. “You can make them wait in maximum 10
minutes” – Terry Carson said.
Method
Start telling them that disturbing others is a bad habit and
if they want to interrupt while adults are talking or doing something, they
have to learn how to say “Excuse me”. After that, you should maintain this
polite behavior of children by support that “I like the way you tell “Excuse
me” and wait for others’ answer”. Whenever children have learned the habit to
get the permission, they will wait at least in 15 seconds and increase the
longing time in next times.
If children always cut into the grow-ups’ conversation in
the dinner table, Lieberman recommends you to use the trick “talking stick” –
when a person holds a salt pot (or an appointed stuff), he has the right to
speak. Or you can use a clock and there is a person who can say each 5 minutes.
Then, children have to wait for their turns (for children who are learning to
count, use a sand clock or electronic clock. Therefore, they can know how long
they have to wait). Don’t forget to tell them when they can interrupt but they
don’t break the rule, for example they need to go to the toilet.
Ages: 5 - 6
Ages: 5 - 6
Advice: If you prepare for children a period of time or make
them busy with an activity, you can let them wait for 10 – 15 minutes.
Method
Promise to children some moments they can’t bother you.
According to Lieberman, you can set the rule such as “When you see me pick up
the phone and enter the room, it’s the time you have to go downstairs and keep
silent”. You can show them some activities such as games or movies when you
finish your work. If children want to go round and round their mothers, as the
older daughter of Lieberman, you can ask them to touch your hand instead of
disturbing you, and after that put your hand above as a sign that they are
waiting for you. Lieberman said “at that time, I make a sign that I get my
children, but I still continue my phone call.”
You can also use examples about communication to show them
do and don’t while talking with adults, especially the method of Julie Luceno
and her 9-year-old son, Mathew. First, Julie and her husband try a game: both
of them talk to each other for a while and interrupt with different content in
front of Mathew. He may feel funny and not understand what his parents are
talking about. After that, they talk about these contents again moderately, and
then come to a conclusion about how to communicate effectively. Lucenon said
“This method is so effective. After that, I always repeat that story and make
him laugh. I explain that we have to wait till the interlocutor finish their
meaning, if not, we will miss a bunch of interesting information.”
Ages: Above 7
Ages: Above 7
Advice: At 7 years old, children can control themselves and
restrain the habit of bothering and disturbing others.
Method
Instead of repeating that children are not allowed to
interrupt or bother you, use the sign by hands or simply ignore them –
according to Carson expert’s view. Tell them that if they are annoyed when
being disturbed rather than imposing rules on them.
You can also use the trick which Mira Miller applies for her
children, Zoe – 13 years old, Sarah – 12 years old and Josh – 9 years old.
Miller said “When my children were little, I often told them bothering others
was a bad habit. After that, when they interrupted or discontinued work, I
stopped talking and stared at them, show them that they were bothering me, and
then they would sorry to let me continue my work”. Miller happily said that “To
me, my kids are the center of the world, but they are not the whole worldwide. After
all, I also have the right to speak out and control them.”
