How do you feel when your little child keep asking dozens of
questions that you do not know the answer or do not want to hurt him/her.
He was sitting there, looking at you intently and waiting. What
a cruel boy, you do not know anyone to help you now.
Children often annoy adults. “At this age,
children’s curiosity about the world develops very fast” - by Neil McNerney, pediatric specialists in Reston, VA. “They
are curious to explore the big world and as a result, their straight questions
make many parents feel difficult”. If this situation occurs, you need to
remember that they are only in preschool age, but we often listen to the
questions and answer them tend to point the adults. The baby is not enough old
to understand these answers.
Here are some guides on how to answer tough questions from
your little child
1. “Dad will die soon, won’t
he?”
True meaning of the question
“When father of my daughter’s friend died suddenly, she
started asking me about the death. At this age, most children are afraid to
leave the family and be alone. They ask this question because they are sad
about someone’s death and they fear that you will die soon”-
according to experts McNerney.
You should answer
You need to check again the purpose of this question but
avoid facing the problem straightly. If your child asks because of a sudden
thought in the future, please dispel your child’s fears by saying “Most people
live a very long and healthy life, so it will take much time for your fear to
happen”. This is not avoiding the answer. Maybe the child is worried that
he/she has nowhere to live if something wrong happen to you, then please reply
that you always make sure that your child will be cared for well.
If your child saw a person or a pet died, you should
understand the pain of your baby and advise him/her to express the emotions. We
tend to save children from the pain but it is a counterproductive way
You should not answer
Do not teach your child about “life cycle” and do not say
that “Yes, dad will died because people always have to die”. Your fact and
science will make your child panic. Let focus in reassure your baby instead of
explaining the truth. At 6 years old, the baby can understand that “people have
to die” but he/she can hardly understand all these complex concepts before 10
years old.
2. “Why don’t we buy this
wonderful toy?”
Why don’t we buy
this wonderful toy?
True meaning of the question
Why does the baby often ask this uncomfortable question, of
course he has purpose. The questions related to money reflex the thought that
“Will I be able to get everything I want?”. These
thoughts are not involved in thinking of adult about social status. The baby
thinks parents use money to comfort his need, so the question means he is
asking you to buy new toys.
You should answer
Let’s start with the sentence “We have no plans to buy this
toy”. Of course, she will not satisfy with this answer and will ask you “why?”
You need to answer like “We do not have to buy this thing,
there are many essential things we need to buy”. Tips is that you should not
explain too much, let ignore the topic. The reason is that when he asked you
“Why?” He did not care about your real answer and just tried to whine to you
that he wants this toy. If you do not give him a chance to whine, he will soon
give up.
You should not answer
If you and your baby are in the toy store and he asks for an
expensive item, you should not explain about money in general. The answer such
as “We do not have so much money like that” will make your child confused and
overly worried about the financial situation of the family. Instead, you can
tell him about saving money for holiday travel or a great birthday gift.
3. “Why do dad and mom
keep arguing?”
True meaning of the question
Children are often interested in parent’s argument and
worried a lot, they often ask, “Will dad yell at me like that?”. In his perspective, if two people in love suddenly has argument, that is the seeds of the collapse. In fact,
the baby will ask the next question “Do not love me?”.
You should answer
Explain that you and your wife are two different people with
different views and sometimes parents need to argue something, however,
remember to stress that, people who argue with each other can still love each
other a lot. You can put the answer in context “You often argue with your
brother, but you still love him, right? So do us”. If your argument happens
quite often, talk to your baby “We are trying to find a solution to this
problem”. The concept of the adult work together to share their
own opinions will become a good lesson for him.
You should not answer
Avoid answering in general, and do not talk about small
reason of the argument. Your child will not know how to solve that information.
In addition, he will worry for the argument in the family or talk to others
about it.
4. “Why do their families
different from ours?”
Why do their
families different from ours?
True meaning of the question
Maybe your child’s friend has two fathers or two mothers, or
they are different in ethnic and culture. Maybe your family has above
differences. Your kid will ask about the differences between the families. Most
books describe a model of family includes father, mother and children.
Therefore, it is very normal if your kids confuse and try to understand the
meaning of the word “family”, and what family form is more appropriate.
You should answer
Explain to your child that there are different kinds of
families and there is no better kind. You can show him some relatives or
friends who have similar circumstances, as a single mom, the homosexual
parents, or a different ethnic couple. Explain to your kid that where there is
love, there is a family. If he still wonders why two men or two women can have
children, do not try to explain too thoroughly, tell him that “If a couple
cannot have children, doctor can help them”.
You should not answer
Children often notice the difference between the families
early on but they will not wonder until the age of 6. So, you have a lot of
time to teach your child good values of the differences instead
of hiding them. Remember that, children like a sponge, all your comments may
shape his perspective when growing up. You should avoid using the word
“different”, “weird” when describing another family.
5. “Where was I born from?”
True meaning of the question
Many people believe that children are often curious about
the gender questions, in fact, it’s not like that. A little girl who has
pregnant mother often wonders whether she had in the mother’s womb like that or
not.
You should answer
Since this is a rather sensitive question, you should ask
your baby. Ask her that “So in your opinion, where was you born from?”. In this way, you can measure your answer,
try to stick to the fact. For example, “I grew up in the belly of my mother”
and waiting for her other questions. If she needs more information, you can say
“Then you were born from the mother’s vagina”. If your baby is almost 5 years
old, you can explain “Dad also had an important role,
dad brought something called the sperm into my body to help her baby grow up”.
You should answer
Avoid answering the issues related to gender or sexual (the
baby usually is not ready to understand) but do not tell lie to your baby.
Fairy tale of the stork just brings more questions.
If the baby accidentally talks about an indecent matter, do
not miss it, please warn him/her this is a bad question. Take this chance to
find out what is really in his/her mind. Eventually, the baby will soon remind
you that he/she has understood the whole story.
