Restoring the peace
All parents of toddlers need to become referees as well as skillful mediators at playtime.
Sally, age 23 months,
and Malik, 14 months, are making music with wooden spoons and empty
pans. Sally abandons her spoon in favor of a saucepan lid, at which
point Malik picks up the spoon. Sally screams in frustration and drops
the lid with a loud clang. She tries to wrench the spoon from Malik.
Both children start to cry. Dad says “Sally! Stop that immediately.
Malik is smaller than you. How do you think he feels when you do that?”
Sally is too young to
understand another person’s feelings. She wails and tugs at the spoon…
“Mine! Give me now!” “Sally…” (he speaks slowly and calmly). “Let go of
the spoon. It’s Malik’s turn. You can have it back soon. Come and play
with this special shaker instead.” The calm instruction plus
distraction, or a clear “No” followed by ignoring, help prevent the
ensuing tantrums.
Thinking about Toilet Training
There are many aspects of
your child’s babyhood that you will feel sad to say goodbye to, but the
chances are that changing diapers will not be one of them. It is
important to make toilet training a positive experience, not a pressure,
for your child.
Parents can become
surprisingly pushy when it comes to toilet training. This is mainly for
reasons of practicality. A child who is out of diapers is far less labor
intensive. Some schools and preschools will not accept children until
they are dry. For working parents, in particular, that is a real
pressure. However, the most important guidelines for beginning toilet
training nevertheless remain:
DO NOT start too early.
DO NOT hurry the process and be willing to resist any pressure to do so.
NEVER force your child to use the toilet.
REMEMBER all children are different.
NEVER criticize a child for having an accident, no matter how exasperated you are by it.
There is a huge
variation in the age at which children become dry at night, from
anywhere between 18 months and eight years. One in ten five-year-olds is
still wet during the day and more than one in ten is still wet during
the night. Studies show that children who are pushed to become dry
before 18 months are likely to take until the age of four to become
fully toilet trained, whereas those who begin around the age of two will
often become dry almost immediately. In reality, children only become
toilet trained when they are ready, and when the nerve pathways
necessary to control urine flow have fully developed. This can happen
anywhere between 18 months and three years old.
A gradual introduction
Using a teddy bear in role play can be a good and fun way of familiarizing your toddler with his potty.
Becoming dry
Let your
toddler sit on his potty fully clothed to begin with, until he feels
familiar with it. If using the toilet, get an adjuster seat insert that
makes the toilet seat smaller. It also makes it less scary for a child
who worries about falling down the hole. You might also want to get a
step for your toddler to rest his feet on so he feels stable and safe.
Once
he understands what the potty is for and wants to try to use it, take
his diaper off and let him settle. If you change his diaper at the same
time and empty the contents into the potty he will get the idea more
quickly.
Encourage him to sit on his potty or the toilet after eating and drinking.
Make sure he knows where his potty is when he is playing and encourage him to use it or bring it to you.
In
the summer months your toddler can run around freely without clothes
and use the potty when he needs to. It is the ideal way for him to learn
about his body and urinating.
Take him with you when you go to the bathroom so he can learn by observing what you do.
Do not force him to go, but give him lots of encouragement.
If
he has learned the difference between feeling wet and dry, trade his
diaper for “pull ups” during the day and ask him to tell you when he
needs the toilet.
Nighttime
dryness will take longer to achieve, but making the bed with alternate
layers of plastic and ordinary sheet will make changing in the night a
whole lot easier.
No more soiling
You can reassure yourself
that all will be well in the end! After all, there are very few 15 year
olds still walking around in diapers. Let things happen at a natural,
stress-free pace. If you have any concerns, keep a careful eye on his
progress and ask your doctor for advice.
Do not expect
your toddler to control the urge of a bowel movement until at least 18
months, and 2–3 years old is ideal. It can take some children until the
age of five to be completely clean.
Help him stay relaxed when using the potty or toilet. Tension can inhibit his ability to have a bowel movement.
Get
him used to sitting on the potty three times per day after meals, for a
maximum of three minutes, keeping in mind his short concentration
levels.
Try to
make the experience fun, and get him used to sitting and aiming.
Alternatively, if your toddler has a very clear pattern of when he soils
his diaper, get into the habit of sitting him on his potty at this
time.
When he is successful give him lots of praise and rewards; if not ignore the outcome and let him try again later.
If
he says “no” do not force the issue or show disapproval or impatience.
This is a potentially tense and anxious situation and his wish to say no
should be respected.
Give him lots of praise when he shows interest in trying again.
Toilet training facts
Urination often
happens at the same time as a bowel movement, so it can be hard for
toddlers to tell the difference between the two functions.
Boys usually learn by sitting to begin with, and move to the standing position later.
Boys
in particular may find the transition to the toilet daunting and often
do not like the sensation of bowel movement. If there is any anxiety, be
patient.
Do not be surprised if your toddler becomes fascinated by the results and wants to show them off! This is normal behavior.
Not
all children use a potty and if you can let your toddler run around
outside in the summer the process may happen quite fast after the age of
three.
