THE LAND OF WINKIN, BLINKIN, AND NOD
No
matter how much of a dedicated sleeper you are by nature, pregnancy and
birth and the new demands of motherhood have probably upset your cycle.
Sometimes it can be difficult to drop off to sleep even when the
opportunity presents itself and you’re exhausted.
Here are some tips that can help you fall—and stay—asleep:
Remember
how we organized your bedroom with the idea of creating a sanctuary ? I
had a secret agenda. A room like that will enhance your ability to fall
asleep, especially now. Look around and see if you are keeping up what
you created. It might be time to reinforce some habits. Take back
ownership of the space.
In
addition to being organized, your bedroom needs to be dedicated to
sleep and play. If you turn it into an office, gym, or full-time
nursery, there will be no environmental support to help you relax and
fall asleep. Use screens if you can to block your views of gym
equipment or the computer.
If your partner prefers to watch TV or listen to music here, give him an early Father’s Day gift: headphones.
Check
the state of the bathrooms since your return home. Did the reality of
the baby cause the order you created to vanish ? Take a minute to
restore the room.
Avoid stimulants like caffeine, action movies, the news, Aunt Edna, or exercise close to your desired bedtime.
Drink
a cup of warm milk to relax late in the evening. If Aunt Edna is
itching for something to do, ask her to cook a turkey. Eat the
low-in-calorie, high-in-tryptophan white meat. It’s what makes
everybody sleepy on Thanksgiving. And tell Aunt Edna her turkey-making
rivals her diaper-changing skills!
Do
some fragrances relax you? Why not introduce them with a scented candle
about twenty minutes before you get into bed? It’s best to use beeswax
or soy candles with pure wicks. Regular candles are petroleum-based
products and can put toxins in the environment. The same is true for
cheap wicks, which can have lead in them. Try a lavender sachet under
your pillow.
Are the sheets
clean? Sorry, I had to ask. What about your pj’s or nightgown? You may
be so sleep-deprived you are too exhausted to do laundry. This is an
Aunt Edna assignment if ever I invented one.
Don’t
toss and turn. You’ll associate your bed with not sleeping. After
twenty minutes get up and try reading in another room. Read something
gentle and relaxing. Now is not the time to review the history of the
plague in Europe!
ELIMINATE HAZARDS
Never leave a burning candle untended. If you
have toddlers, pets, or live in earthquake country, your candle flame
can move from atmospheric to destructive in seconds. In addition, be
sure the room is well ventilated. Baby’s lungs may find fragrance of
any kind irritating so use with caution. And please don’t smoke in his
presence.
Do you live in an apartment with noisy neighbors? Try a white noise machine.
Wash
your face and do your brush-andfloss routine a few hours before
bedtime; that way you won’t wake yourself up when the desire to sleep
overtakes you.
Stop eating three hours before the time you wish to retire.
Just
before you get into bed meditate for a few minutes to calm your nerves.
Meditation should ideally follow no less than two hours after eating so
your body can first devote its energy to digestion.
Finally,
try one of your baby’s lullaby CDs. After all they are designed to
induce sleep! Put on your headphones and lull yourself to sleep. Or try
a guided meditation designed to help you sleep. You’ll find my favorite
source in the Resources section.
ROUTINES AND RITUALS
I’ve previously
noted that routines and rituals will serve you when you need to get
and/or stay organized. They are equally powerful when you want to
induce sleep. Why not try some of the suggestions above and then weave
them into a ritual of steps you can repeat each evening? The routine
you create may require some tweaking over time. Gradually, however,
you’ll find yourself getting sleepy the minute you start the first
step, even if that happens about three hours before bedtime. If you
review your evenings now, you’ll see that you may have unconsciously
embraced a sleep-repelling routine!
That
would be an accurate description of this month. It will never come
again. It’s overwhelming to bring an infant home. And yet in no time
you’ll be an old hand offering advice to other mothers. I thought I’d
close out this month with a poignant story.
My
friend Lynn married Keith right after graduation from college. At the
time he was planning to be a career Army pilot. Lynn became pregnant
almost immediately and gave birth to their first child in South Korea.
Lynn and her daughter came home from the hospital two days after the
birth; Dad promptly left for ten days of maneuvers. When Vanessa was
seven days old, she cried nonstop for hours. As a new mom, Lynn didn’t
know what to do to comfort her daughter and get her to stop crying.
They lived off base in an apartment building. Lynn had no phone of any
kind, no friends, and certainly no family nearby to consult with. Nor
did she speak any Korean. She decided to put Vanessa down in her
bassinet and do some dishes. In less than a minute the baby’s crying
stopped. Lynn felt her body flood with relief—until she went to check
on Vanessa and found she was listless and turning blue. She quickly
tried baby CPR, smacked Vanessa’s bottom, and clapped her hands over
Vanessa’s head. The baby started to breathe normally, but Lynn had no
idea how long her infant daughter had been without oxygen.
Talk to your doctor if you find it impossible to
adjust your sleep cycle. He may prescribe a sleeping aid for shortterm
use. Be sure he knows if you are breastfeeding (so he can choose a
medication that’s safe for baby).
Clad half in pj’s and half in street
clothes, she wrapped Vanessa in a blanket and tore out the door. She
raced through side streets to get to a major thoroughfare where she
could grab a taxi and get to the American base. Minutes later, Lynn was
dropped at the base gate. She asked the guard to call the MASH unit and
alert them that she had an emergency with the baby. Fortunately Lynn
had done volunteer work here during her pregnancy and knew most of the
physicians on staff. A base cab delivered her to the MASH unit, where
waiting docs grabbed Vanessa and whisked her away. A man Lynn didn’t
know escorted her into a room, where she waited for two long hours to
hear news of her daughter. She feared the worst. She remembers that he
tried to take her mind off the situation by engaging her in meaningless
chitchat about their hometowns. It didn’t work.
Finally
a surgeon she knew came in to reassure her that her daughter was just
fine. She was breathing; they had examined her and run tests and found
that all was well. Lynn was free to take Vanessa home. Lynn burst into
tears again and said, “This was all a terrible mistake. You all made a
mistake when you let me take her home in the first place! Clearly I
can’t care for her.” Lynn remembers the doctor’s kindness. He told her
that everyone feels this way at first. In fact he assured her that if
she didn’t have doubts and concerns, he would think something was
amiss. Back on the streets of Korea, Lynn walked home with Vanessa in
her arms.
Vanessa thrived and was
followed over the years by a brother and a sister. Today she is a
mother herself. Remember this story the next time you are overwhelmed
and feel certain you just can’t be a good mother. Taking care of a baby
is a learning curve, but you can do it. And many astonishing moms have
been there before you.
