Last Friday night my son, Javier, and I hit
the gym (he loves the kid zone), then went out for fish tacos. Long after our
last bites and way past bedtime, we sat in the restaurant playing tick-tack-toe
while the rain poured down outside.
On Sunday, we found a marathon of The Voice
and cuddled under a blanket to watch the singers belt out tunes for most of the
morning. We cheered our faves and debated who among the judges should be chosen
to work with the future chart toppers. Jav doesn’t know it yet, but in a few
weeks, he and I will be off on a weekend cruise together.
“The thing is, I like hanging out with Jav when it’s just
the two of us.”
In theory, I could’ve invited myriad people
on any of these outings. I have a great boyfriend who’s wonderful with Jav,
doting parents who lobe their grandson to pieces and friends whose kids are
some of Jav’s BFFs. But the thing is, I like hanging out with Jav when it’s
just the two of us. We’re impulsive and spontaneous, we know each other better
than anyone else does, and we always, always, have fun together.
I
like hanging out with Jav when it’s just the two of us.
All this one-on-one bonding is the benefit
of single parenthood that no one talks about. In fact, it’s often eclipsed by
the difficulties that come with the package. Sure, when your kid is sick in the
middle of the night, you wish there was someone there to help. But mostly, I’ve
found single parenthood to be extremely rewarding. The silly moments, the first
steps, the awkward questions about the benefits of having a penis instead of a
vagina – those memories are all mine. So why does everyone always feel just a
little bit bad for us singles?
It turns out we’re outpacing everybody.
Everyone knows the divorce rate is high, but single parenthood by choice is
also increasing, whether that be via adoption, IVF or surrogacy. OK, so I
didn’t choose single parenthood. My husband and I divorced after Jav was born.
And make no mistake: I don’t believe there is a substitute world, I wish every
child had both.
So while we singles take to dating websites
trying to find the perfect mate – and potential step-parent – I invite all you
happily married and cohabitating folks to take a cue from us solos: reserve
time alone with your little one. Go to the park. Take a walk. Launch “cupcake
Tuesdays.” With so much demanding our attention these days – smartphones,
Facebook, meeting requests – you’ll amazed at the connection that ensues when
you engage with your child one-on-one. Hey, the singles may discover this by
default, but who says everyone can't reap the benefits of our expertise?
