Emotional difficulties
There is always a worry, when trying to
conceive, that it can take over your home life to some extent, and effect your
parenting of the child you already have. Zita West sympathizes with parents in
this predicament.
“I often ask women whether they’re enjoying
the child they have, and most are, but they feel guilty and can’t explain why,”
she says. “The desire for a second child is so strong, that a mother may not
feel her family is complete without another, or without producing a sibling for
the child she has. Many women feel too silly and greedy to ask for help, and
they’re unlikely to get sympathy from, for instance, childless couples who envy
their position and feel they should be grateful for the infant they have.”
I
often ask women whether they’re enjoying the child they have, and most are, but
they feel guilty and can’t explain why,” she says.
Other women get stressed because their
family is not working out precisely according to the ideal plan they’d always
imagined, fretting over time gaps between children, and how this might effect
schooling arrangements, or the closeness of the relationship between siblings.
She urges these women to accept the innate
unpredictability of life, and that having fixed ideas about wanting particular
children at particular times can work against you, adding to stress.
A small percentage of women West sees have
been traumatized because of difficulties or complications during their previous
birth and have become frightened of labor, and therefore – sometimes
subliminally – frightened of becoming pregnant. Whether or not these women
subconsciously “sabotage” or put up psychological or physical barriers to
conceiving is debatable, but West says talking about a previous difficult
experience is essential.
“If they talk about it, they begin to
rationalize it and accept that they were traumatized by what happened to them,”
she says. “If you get down after a difficult delivery, you can develop
postnatal depression which can stay with you. So much of the work I do with
women is to do with their mindset: if you allay their fears, often pregnancy
just happens. This also often works when couples stop trying extremely hard to
conceive. I often tell women, ‘The baby will come when the baby will come.’”
If
you get down after a difficult delivery, you can develop postnatal depression
which can stay with you.
The good news, says Dr. Walsh, is that
couples can and do normally succeed second time around, although IVF may be the
necessary option for older women.
For others, regular (three-weekly) sex
throughout the month is likely to result in a conception within two years.
Either way, do not be afraid or shy of seeking help, advice or reassurance.
“Do go and speak with your doctor,”
summarizes West. “And don’t be afraid to rally support around you from friends
and family. It will really help.”
“And
don’t be afraid to rally support around you from friends and family. It will
really help.”
What you can do to increase fertility?
A healthy and stress-free lifestyle are two
of the most important factors in increasing fertility. But it is vital that you
get your doctor to check whether anything physical is stopping you or your
partner from conceiving a second time around. Also, start taking prenatal
vitamins and remember to stop taking your daily vitamins when you do.
