Rationalise your relationships
1. Limit draining friendships Of course we
support real friends through tough times, but there’s another type who wants to
endlessly discuss the minutiae of her life and seek reassurance. Make a private
“I will say this three times only” rule. Once you have offered your wisdom, if
she continues to talk about the problem, stay silent and change the subject.
Alternatively, try, “You need to talk to a professional, not me, as I’m your
friend.” She’ll probably be relieved to have been given permission to seek
help.
2. Cull long-standing commitments Diary
always frantic, even on day off? Time to get some breathing space. List the
commitments that have stacked up (school committees/treasure ect) and decide
which are important. Eliminate the rest. As you step down, explain you have
enjoyed doing it, but it’s time to focus on other areas of your life and you
hope they understand. They will. This is easier than we realise because we’re
all expendable. Think of it not as leaving them in the lurch but as creating an
opportunity for someone else.
3. Take your custom elsewhere! How many of
us continue with unsatisfactory arrangements because ending them seems too
awkward. What are yours? A cleanser who is not very good at cleaning? A
hairdresser who has lost her spark? Take a deep breath and change them today,
giving a month’s notice where appropriate. Do not justify yourself beyond
saying your needs have changed. When we give reasons, we often fib, then feel
bad – and the other party knows we’re not being authentic and feels bad too.
4. Freshen up your marriage. Do you and
your husband spend little time alone together? Offer each other one night a
week or a weekend every month where you do this. Take each other on an
“artist’s date”, where you show each other something creative that inspires you
(a building, a sculpture, a painting). Offering each other something fresh
helps bring you out of your routine.
5. Stand up to critical parents/friends/siblings! They love you, they want what they believe is best for you, but
their niggling criticisms, raised eyebrows or unfavourable comparisons are
undermining. Recognize that if someone makes you feel small, they do so with
your cooperation. Take a deep breath, remind yourself you’re an adult and this
doesn’t have to touch you. Don’t be drawn in with self-justifications. Respond
with, “Thank you for that. I’ll think about it.” End of conversation. It’s
easier to deflect by stepping away, not confronting. Create some space between
you for a while and, if it persists, back away again, until the person gets the
message.
6. Find help caring for your parents Don’t
silently seethe if when sibling don’t pull their weight talk to them. Arrange
a get-together on neutral territory. Don’t start with criticism but approach it
as a team, explaining that you’d like to talk about how best to meet your
parents’ needs. Proximity, career or family demands may place a heavier duty of
care on one of you so offer alternative ways to help, such as financial support
for additional care or taking your parents on holiday. No siblings? Can other
family members help? Don’t expect instant resolution, so meet again in a
fortnight.
Take control of your home
1. Organise your paperwork Unopened mail,
school letters, bank statements, bills – taken together are the single biggest
problem in very household. Organize a three-tier system: an in tray for current
matters, a magazine file for ongoing projects and a large box file for
long-term, important documents you rarely refer to.
2. Tackle your underwear Empty the drawers
on the bed, pair up socks and throw out any odd ones. Get rid of everything
greying, out of shape or holey!
3. Streamline your wardrobe Most women have
clothes for three different weights and sizes, but those really skinny jeans
are a depressing reminder whenever you open your wardrobe! (And if you do get
back to that size, you’ll want to go out and get new ones anyway.) Separate the
clothes that don’t fit, pack away the special items and get rid of the rest.
4. Tidy your photographs We all have a
backlog of prints from the pre-digital era. Discard the ones you have in
duplicate, any that are unflattering or meaningless, frame the best and stick
the remainder in one box. You can also digitize your old prints – Tesco charges
around 15p per photo to scan your snaps and transfer them on to a DVD or memory
stick.
5. Manage your medicines Get rid of the
ones long past their sell-by dates, the emergency supplies you bought on
holiday for a sick child – you can’t read the label or remember the dosage.
Check you have up-to-date basics of adult and child medicines, plus bandages,
plasters and sterile wipes.
6. Empty your purse Get rid of loyalty
cards you never use, out-of-date offers, receipts from 2010. Put back what
remains in a tidy, sensible order.
7. Recycle, gift and sell! Many of us
intend to sell our bits on eBay, but often don’t.stuffusell.co.uk will do it
for a fee.
8. Sort out the shoe situation Piles of
footwear in the hallway? Invest in a shoe rack with room for two pairs each.
Tell the family others go upstairs. Warn that shoes dumped in the hall will end
up in a black bag in the garage. Carry out your threat.
