Tough times Helping with harmful situations
A small number
of teenagers do go “off the rails” during adolescence and present you
with exactly the situations you had always hoped to avoid. It is normal
for your teenager to be impulsive, reckless, and consider himself
indestructible, but not to deliberately put himself in danger, willfully
harm others, or repeatedly break the law. If this happens, you and your
child need to take action and acknowledge there is a problem. Seeking
help from outside the home, for example from health, drug, and youth
services and (as a last resort) the police, will make things easier, and
means you won’t have to cope on your own.
If there is tension brewing
If tempers do not cool and
you are at immediate risk of, or are being harmed, take the difficult
step of calling the police for help. In the long term, call on your
extended family or friends for support and contact youth services for
assistance.
Ask your teenager to tell you the problem from his point of view.
Listen without interrupting or offering unwanted advice.
Under no circumstances fight back or use physical discipline with your teenager.
Keep
your body language open and the tone of your voice soft. Try to stay
calm, even if he is deliberately trying to provoke you.
Avoid arguing back or sarcasm.
Keep your distance: Getting too close and invading your teenager’s personal space can escalate emotions.
Find solutions together if at all possible.
Aggression and violence
It’s rare but,
occasionally, teenagers struggle against the limitations of home life by
threatening or hurting their parents or siblings. Avoid getting to this
point by being aware of pressure points that could lead to violence.
Start a conversation with your child about his frustrations before
tempers get too hot.
Not just playing
If your teen is hurting you or his siblings, you may need to seek advice from youth services or the police.
Talk it out
Have a calm conversation with your child about her frustrations.
Fight
You will need to take action if your teen is deliberately harming others.
