| Q: |
My six-year-old son has a developmental delay. Does that mean he will always be behind?
| | A: |
The term “developmental delay” is a confusing one for parents. It
implies that skills your child has yet to acquire will eventually
arrive—in the same way that a delayed train is annoyingly late, but
definitely on its way. Since your son is still very young and has lots
of growing and developing to do, it’s not possible to say for certain
exactly how his skills and abilities will compare to those of his peers
in the future. However, the more wide-ranging his difficulties, the less
likely it is that he will catch up in all areas. Like all children, as
your son gets older he will reach a peak in the development of
particular skills. This means that the gap between him and his peers
will be wider in some areas than others. All children have strengths and
weaknesses, though—so try to focus on what your son can do well, and
use that to compensate for his difficulties in other areas, in order to
help him achieve his potential.
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| Q: |
Our daughter has a moderate learning disability. Should we go easy on discipline?
| | A: |
Within their capabilities, all children need to learn how to
behave in an appropriate and socially acceptable way. Just because your
daughter has a learning disability, there is no reason to treat her any
differently. If you fail to set firm and consistent boundaries around
your daughter’s behavior now, you are likely to have difficulty managing
things at home as she gets older. She may try to get away with things
at school, too, which could cause more problems. Discuss your concerns
with your partner and agree some simple house rules about behavior. To
help your daughter understand them, draw the rules out in picture form
and display them somewhere visible, such as on the refrigerator. Use
plenty of praise and encouragement when she follows a rule (“Great job
putting all your toys away!”) and use simple consequences for
rule-breaking. Don’t be surprised if things seem to get a little worse
at first. It’s normal for children to turn up the volume when parents
clamp down on their behavior. If you and your partner are consistent,
your daughter will quickly understand what is expected of her. You may
also find it helpful to attend an appropriate parenting group, where you
could learn other strategies to promote your child’s development and
manage behavior. Talking with other parents of children with special
needs is a great way to get support and share tips. Your pediatrician
should have details of local courses.
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| Q: |
My son has autism, and I have just read about a new therapy on the internet. Should I try it?
| | A: |
The internet is a fantastic resource for parents and puts a
wealth of useful information at your fingertips. The downside is that
there is a lot of conflicting and confusing advice out there, so you
need to be careful not to take everything at face value. As a parent,
you will naturally want to try anything that claims to offer help for
your child. Most therapies will probably do no harm, and you may see
some improvement in certain behaviors, but unfortunately there is no
cure for autism at present. Some therapies are better researched and
tested, so they will have evidence to show how they work, what patients
they work best with, and what kind of changes you might expect. Other
approaches rely more on anecdotal evidence from parents, and have less
scientific research to back them up. If you know someone who has used
the approach you are considering, speak to them about their experience.
You could also contact one of the national organizations that represents
people with autism to see what their views are. If you are changing
your child’s diet in any way, speak to your pediatrician before you go
ahead.
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| Q: |
My daughter goes to a special school and doesn’t get to see her
friends much. I’m worried she will be lonely as she gets older.
| | A: |
As special schools move toward accepting a wider variety of
students, this is a problem that many parents and their children face.
Friends are important for acceptance, support, and security—they
generally makes us feel happier and more confident. If your daughter is
unable to spend time with her friends outside of school, this will also
place extra demands on the family to ensure that she is entertained. At
this age the foundations of friendship are built more on shared
activities and having similar expectations. One way to address this is
to see if there are any after-school clubs or activities that your
daughter could attend. If not, see what is available in your area—you
may find that other parents from school already have a meeting place. If
you find something that other school parents may be interested in,
spread the word. Try to be inclusive when you are looking for suitable
activities. Lots of clubs now provide for typically developing children
and for those with additional needs. If you are unsure, don’t be afraid
to ask.
Developing links and
making friends in your local community is just as important as
maintaining your daughter’s social network at school.
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| Q: |
My son used to love looking at books. Why has he lost all interest since he started school?
| | A: |
Starting school means that activities that were once about play
and having fun suddenly become linked with school and “work,” which can
make them less appealing. It may also be that your son is finding
learning to read a difficult task, so he is avoiding books at home. Try
to make books and reading as much fun as possible. Join a library and
help him choose books he is interested in. Listening to other people
read is just as important for your son as trying to recognize and sound
out words himself, so aim to get at least one bedtime story in each day.
There will be lots of opportunities to read together at other times,
too, but try to avoid challenging him to see if he can read new words.
Praise his efforts when he does read and correct any mistakes
sensitively. If you are concerned that your son may be struggling with
his reading, speak to his teacher to see if there is any additional
support he may benefit from in school. Learning to read is a complex
task so do what you can to take the pressure off and go at his pace.
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| Q: |
My son struggles academically, but is included in lessons with
the rest of his class. His behavior is getting worse. What can I do?
| | A: |
As your child progresses through school, the demands on him will
increase. Work will become more difficult, he will have to sit and
concentrate for longer periods, and he will be expected to develop
independent learning skills. If your son is now finding certain aspects
of his work too challenging he may be showing this by becoming
disruptive in the classroom. Including him in lessons with his peers is
good for his self-esteem and confidence – as long as he feels as though
he is keeping up with them. All children need to be treated equally but
that does not mean they should all be treated the same. If his needs are
not being met, it may be time to think about a more individualized
approach to his education. Parts of the curriculum that he finds more
difficult can be broken down into smaller, more achievable steps. He may
also benefit from some one-to-one support or small group work. It can
take time to get additional support in place so the sooner you act, the
better. Speak to his teacher to see what options are available in the
school.
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| Q: |
What is a 504 and an IEP? Does my daughter need one?
| | A: |
504 and IEP (Individualized Educational Plan) are the two means
provided by the federal government to arrange extra classroom
accommodations to meet your child’s special needs.
A 504 plan is a
less formal agreement between school staff, faculty, and parents to help
your child succeed. It could involve special seating, limited homework,
or receipt of notes before a class presentation. An IEP is a more
formal and detailed arrangement that will require that your child be
“coded” as having one among a dozen types of learning, behavioral,
sensory, or physical differences. This plan will seek to provide your
child with the means necessary to learn in the “least restrictive
environment” possible. It should set out the short-term targets set for
or by the child; the teaching strategies to be used; the provision to be
put in place; when the plan is to be reviewed; success and/or exit
criteria; and outcomes (to be recorded when the IEP is reviewed)
If your daughter has a
physical or a learning disability, she will be evaluated if she meets
certain criteria. These should include a medical diagnosis, aptitude and
achievement tests, teacher recommendations, physical condition, social
and cultural background, and adaptive behavior. Once a diagnosis has
been made and your child provided with a 504 or IEP, it will be reviewed
periodically to ensure that she is receiving the most appropriate
learning aids. IDEA (Individuals with Disabilities Education Act)
requires that this evaluation takes place every three years or more
frequently if it is warranted, or if the child’s parent or teacher
requests a re-evaluation.
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| Q: |
My son’s friends tease him about his difficulties at school. Should I stop him from seeing them?
| | A: |
Children can be cruel to one another at this age, and
name-calling is fairly typical behavior. In most cases it will be
quickly forgotten, but of course this does not make it right. If you are
concerned that your son is being persistently targeted by his friends
because of his learning problems you could always invite them over to
play at your house so that you can keep an eye on things. You may find
that your son dishes out as much as he takes, particularly when he is on
familiar territory, so be prepared to step in and address his behavior,
too. When children have additional needs, it is easy to find yourself
becoming increasingly protective of them. Keeping your child safe is the
main priority, but it is important to strike a balance between
protection and independence.
Like all children, your
son needs to learn how to cope with other people and difficult social
situations. Overprotective parenting can lead to social withdrawal, so
help your son develop the confidence and skills he will need to look
after himself as he grows up.
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The earlier the better Getting extra support
When I saw my son getting
more and more frustrated with his math homework, I knew exactly how he
felt. I always found math really difficult and I didn’t want him to go
through the same experience. I spoke to his teacher and pushed to get
him some extra help at school. At first he was not thrilled with having
to do some of his work in a small group away from his friends. However,
he gets along well with the support teacher now, and seems far more
comfortable working with children who are at a similar level. My advice
to any parent whose child is struggling at school is to get help early
on—don’t wait for things to get better on their own.
Dyspraxia
Around five percent of
children are thought to have dyspraxia, which is sometimes known as
developmental coordination disorder (DCD). It affects movement,
planning, and coordination, which can lead to difficulties with
language, perception, and thought. Dyspraxia can make learning more
difficult.
| Q: |
What does it mean for my child?
| | A: |
Your child may take longer to reach developmental milestones,
such as walking and talking. As he gets older, he may find it harder to
jump, run, ride a bike, catch or kick a ball, and have difficulty
concentrating—particularly on problem-solving toys such as shape sorters
and puzzles. Your child may also have a poor sense of time and
direction and a tendency to fall, trip, or bump into things due to
reduced spatial awareness (which is why this condition used to be called
“clumsy child syndrome”). He is also likely to struggle with tasks such
as dressing, tying shoelaces, and using a fork. At school, he may avoid
joining in with playground games, and his written work may look
immature for his age. Little is known about the causes of dyspraxia, but
it is thought to be due to incomplete development of motor neurons (the
nerve cells that control muscles) in the brain. As a result, messages
are not properly transmitted to the body, which makes it difficult for
your child to turn these into actions.
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| Q: |
How do I get my child assessed?
| | A: |
Your pediatrician can arrange for an assessment if you are
concerned. This is usually carried out by a pediatrician, educational or
clinical psychologist, speech and language therapist, or
physiotherapist.
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| Q: |
What can I do to help my child?
| | A: |
Dyspraxia cannot be cured, but there is a lot that can be done
to improve things for your child. Help will be available from a range of
professionals, such as occupational therapists and physiotherapists, to
look at how your child manages everyday activities at home, at school,
and during play. Skills training can help with the development of
literacy, numeracy, spelling, reading, and physical skills. Doing these
exercises at home and school will give maximum benefit.
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