Forget ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ – there’s a
whole world of mad, bad and just plain crazy reasons why relationships end
Why did your last relationship end? Was he
cheating with the cute receptionist at the gym? Were you doing long-distance,
which meant more Skype time than real time? Maybe he was a
teacher-slash-secret-porn-star who covered up his double life the whole time
you were dating? (This really happened to a friend of mine.)
Why
we really break up
Fact is, breaking up is a bitch. It might
be your call. It might be his. But whatever the reason, it’s tough. Sometimes
you’ll blame yourself. In my mid-twenties, after my lawyer boyfriend and
official Love Of My Life Thus Far dumped me for being on a detox and too gluten-obsessed,
I wondered if me relaxing a little (heck, even throwing a little salt on his
mashed potato) would have saved us. Other times, you’ll realize you had a lucky
escape – as my friend Jill did when she dumped a guy who spent the next five
nights camped out on her front lawn.
Sometimes it’s tempting to ponder, ‘But
what if…?’ But when we asked GLAMOUR readers to reveal why their relationship
ended, we realized that ‘over’ should be viewed as starting over. So
look back, but then look forwards. Safe in the knowledge that we’ve all been
there.
His grammar was awful
“He made me a mix-tape and mixed up ‘your’
and ‘you’re’. Not a deal breaker and nothing that would bother you if you
really liked someone. But it bothered me, so I knew I didn’t really like him.” Alannah,
29
He had a tiny, tiny penis
“Adam was unbelievably hot, incredibly
funny and kind. My friends loved him, my mum loved him, even my
hyper-critical older sister loved him. I loved him. He was perfect in
nearly every single way, except one: he had the World’s Smallest Penis. I
swear, it was marginally bigger than a walnut. I tried – I really tried – but I
couldn’t get over it. (What can I say? Sex is really important to me and I
couldn’t actually feel anything when we did it.) When we broke up, he was
completely baffled. He kept asking why, when everything was so perfect between
us. I didn’t tell him the truth, obviously.” Jane, 31
I moved on
“I
loved my new life abroad more than I loved him”
“I missed my uni-boyfriend, Michael, so
much when I went to study in Sydney – the people I met during my first semester
were rubbish, and I didn’t have much fun. I came home over Christmas pining for
him. But when I went back in January, I moved in with a completely different
set of people and everything changed. I spent my time surfing, doing karaoke
and having hung over brunches at the beach. My feelings for my boyfriend
started to cool, and then, out of the blue, he Skype to say he was flying over
for a surprise visit. He arrived just as I was starting my last week of exams
and I was really distant. Even having him in my apartment annoyed me. In the
end I blurted it all out: I loved my new life abroad more than I loved him –
and it was over. Looking back, I wish I’d broken up with him sooner – he wasted
the best part of $1,550 flying over to see me, and he brought out my whiny and
petulant side. I certainly don’t regret ending it.” Ann, 23
Our lives weren’t in sync
“I met Joe at 22, and for the first three
years I thought I’d end up marrying him – we had so much fun. But when he went
to Italy for six months on an acting job, I realised I couldn’t see a future
for us. He’d been living at home with his parents, saving money between jobs –
I loved him, but I felt like our relationship hadn’t progressed. I wanted to
buy a house and have children with him, not be with someone who might be
unemployed for months at a time, and then go off on a world ours. I tried to
work through my doubts and we had one romantic weekend together in Rome, but
when I got home I ended it. Now, with hindsight, I know it was the right
decision to break up. He recently told me he thinks we met too young, and he’s
right: if we’d met at 28 or 29, when we were both more established in our
careers and lives, we might have made things work. I needed to see a clear
future with Joe, and at 25, I just couldn’t.” Laura, 26
He was unfaithful
“I was 20 years old and had been with my
first serious boyfriend for 18 months when I found out he was cheating on me.
We were in New York for Christmas when he started doing odd things, like
telling people that we’d only been together for a couple of weeks. I confronted
him, and on Christmas morning, he revealed he’d been cheating on me for nine
months. I was devastated. I walked out of the apartment in my Pyjamas, called
my dad and asked him to book me on the next flight home. By the time I got back
to the apartment, my now ex had packed my clothes and called me a cab. I flew
home – still in my Pyjamas! It was truly horrible, but three months later, I
met Chris, who I’ve now been with for five years. He is the love of my life and
I might not have met him if I’d still been dating my ex. I realised a big
break-up makes you stronger. I was young and naïve – it taught me not to accept
any rubbish, and that you should always act if you have a hunch that something
isn’t quite right.” Nicola, 26
He
was unfaithful
