women

Forget ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ – there’s a whole world of mad, bad and just plain crazy reasons why relationships end

Why did your last relationship end? Was he cheating with the cute receptionist at the gym? Were you doing long-distance, which meant more Skype time than real time? Maybe he was a teacher-slash-secret-porn-star who covered up his double life the whole time you were dating? (This really happened to a friend of mine.)

Description: Why we really break up

Why we really break up

Fact is, breaking up is a bitch. It might be your call. It might be his. But whatever the reason, it’s tough. Sometimes you’ll blame yourself. In my mid-twenties, after my lawyer boyfriend and official Love Of My Life Thus Far dumped me for being on a detox and too gluten-obsessed, I wondered if me relaxing a little (heck, even throwing a little salt on his mashed potato) would have saved us. Other times, you’ll realize you had a lucky escape – as my friend Jill did when she dumped a guy who spent the next five nights camped out on her front lawn.

Sometimes it’s tempting to ponder, ‘But what if…?’ But when we asked GLAMOUR readers to reveal why their relationship ended, we realized that ‘over’ should be viewed as starting over. So look back, but then look forwards. Safe in the knowledge that we’ve all been there.

His grammar was awful

“He made me a mix-tape and mixed up ‘your’ and ‘you’re’. Not a deal breaker and nothing that would bother you if you really liked someone. But it bothered me, so I knew I didn’t really like him.” Alannah, 29

He had a tiny, tiny penis

“Adam was unbelievably hot, incredibly funny and kind. My friends loved him, my mum loved him, even my hyper-critical older sister loved him. I loved him. He was perfect in nearly every single way, except one: he had the World’s Smallest Penis. I swear, it was marginally bigger than a walnut. I tried – I really tried – but I couldn’t get over it. (What can I say? Sex is really important to me and I couldn’t actually feel anything when we did it.) When we broke up, he was completely baffled. He kept asking why, when everything was so perfect between us. I didn’t tell him the truth, obviously.” Jane, 31

I moved on

Description: “I loved my new life abroad more than I loved him”

“I loved my new life abroad more than I loved him”

“I missed my uni-boyfriend, Michael, so much when I went to study in Sydney – the people I met during my first semester were rubbish, and I didn’t have much fun. I came home over Christmas pining for him. But when I went back in January, I moved in with a completely different set of people and everything changed. I spent my time surfing, doing karaoke and having hung over brunches at the beach. My feelings for my boyfriend started to cool, and then, out of the blue, he Skype to say he was flying over for a surprise visit. He arrived just as I was starting my last week of exams and I was really distant. Even having him in my apartment annoyed me. In the end I blurted it all out: I loved my new life abroad more than I loved him – and it was over. Looking back, I wish I’d broken up with him sooner – he wasted the best part of $1,550 flying over to see me, and he brought out my whiny and petulant side. I certainly don’t regret ending it.” Ann, 23

Our lives weren’t in sync

“I met Joe at 22, and for the first three years I thought I’d end up marrying him – we had so much fun. But when he went to Italy for six months on an acting job, I realised I couldn’t see a future for us. He’d been living at home with his parents, saving money between jobs – I loved him, but I felt like our relationship hadn’t progressed. I wanted to buy a house and have children with him, not be with someone who might be unemployed for months at a time, and then go off on a world ours. I tried to work through my doubts and we had one romantic weekend together in Rome, but when I got home I ended it. Now, with hindsight, I know it was the right decision to break up. He recently told me he thinks we met too young, and he’s right: if we’d met at 28 or 29, when we were both more established in our careers and lives, we might have made things work. I needed to see a clear future with Joe, and at 25, I just couldn’t.” Laura, 26

He was unfaithful

 “I was 20 years old and had been with my first serious boyfriend for 18 months when I found out he was cheating on me. We were in New York for Christmas when he started doing odd things, like telling people that we’d only been together for a couple of weeks. I confronted him, and on Christmas morning, he revealed he’d been cheating on me for nine months. I was devastated. I walked out of the apartment in my Pyjamas, called my dad and asked him to book me on the next flight home. By the time I got back to the apartment, my now ex had packed my clothes and called me a cab. I flew home – still in my Pyjamas! It was truly horrible, but three months later, I met Chris, who I’ve now been with for five years. He is the love of my life and I might not have met him if I’d still been dating my ex. I realised a big break-up makes you stronger. I was young and naïve – it taught me not to accept any rubbish, and that you should always act if you have a hunch that something isn’t quite right.” Nicola, 26

Description: He was unfaithful

He was unfaithful

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