All you need to do to help your child develop
healthily is to listen, observe, and keep talking and responding
positively to him. His brain is preprogrammed to do the rest, so there
is no need to push or force development. In fact, doing this can slow
development in other areas.
“Your baby’s
experiences and the relationships he forms during his first three years,
will determine how his brain is wired for life.”
Your baby’s brain
started to develop while still in the womb and at birth was made up of
over 100 billion cells and 50 trillion pathways and connections. A
newborn’s brain is about a quarter of the size of an adult’s and will
grow to about 80 percent of adult size by the age of three.
Brain development happens
when the cells in your child’s brain start to make connections to link
events and experiences, and thus create meaning. This starts to happen
in the womb and continues throughout early childhood. For example, as a
young baby your child learned that when he contracted a particular
muscle group, his leg moved. By repeating that contraction and achieving
the same result several times, he formed a permanent message link in
the brain. Soon, your baby will have learned how to control the movement
of his whole leg. At that point, the message to the brain about the
movement and the separate message about the leg will have become
permanently connected. As these connections increase in number across
the body, so an emerging sense of self-awareness develops, too.
How the brain develops
A baby’s brain is very
immature and is in many ways a blank canvas. Emotional awareness, the
ability to reason and to think, social understanding, and memory
development have barely begun. The experiences a baby has, and the
relationships he forms, during the first three years of life will play a
particularly important role in the development and “wiring” of the
baby’s brain—and research now shows that early experiences have a major
impact on the formation of personality during the rest of a child’s
life. By age three, a child’s brain will have twice the number of
connections as an adult’s, which is why your toddler is capable of
learning so much so quickly. However, this does not mean he shares your
ability to reason or think; his brain is still learning how to interpret
information. This early phase of development is all about sculpting and
refining the working of the brain. A young brain is designed to be
flexible and is able to take on an array of social, emotional, and
intellectual skills quite fast.
The brain continues to
develop new connections until the age of 7–10 when a pruning process
occurs and unused connections are wiped out. This is totally normal and
is a way of strengthening the brain’s connections, rather as you would
prune a plant to encourage future growth. From the age of two, a
substance called myelin surrounds and strengthens the brain’s
connections and improves and speeds up communication between the cells.
Our life experiences and the habits that we form will further shape and
develop these connections over time.
The developing brain
The areas of the brain highlighted here are linked to development
of core skills during the toddler years. Brain development continues
until mid-adolescence.
Influences on brain development
Baby brain development
is affected by factors inherited from birth parents and by immediate
environment. Parents and carers therefore play a crucial role in
influencing the types of brain connections that are formed.
Important factors in the first three years of life:
Warm and
loving behavior involving smiles, hugs, and laughter, combined with
positive mental stimulation such as talking and play, will influence the
developing chemistry of the brain and encourage a feeling of well-being.
In
contrast, not responding to a child, or inconsistent care, will
increase levels of stress-related chemicals in the brain. This can lead
to emotional, social, physical, and reasoning problems later .
Once
a child’s basic needs have been met—physiological (such as food and
warmth), safety, nurture, and self-esteem—his ability to learn new
social and mental skills increases significantly.
Learning
via experience is crucial to a baby’s brain development. Early exposure
to words through reading, talking, singing, routines, rituals, safe
exploration of the environment, and play, encourages the development of
language and social skills. Watching television does not have the same
positive effect on brain development.
Children
in this age group need to be allowed to develop at their own pace.
Forcing the pace in one area of development can inhibit growth in
another area. It is important to make time to allow a child just to
“be.”
Growth spurts
Brain development during
early infancy is not a gradual and continuous process but occurs in
growth spurts, usually at three months, 18 months, during ages 2–4, and
later at ages 6–8 and 10–12. There is a growing body of research to
suggest that motor, language, social, and reasoning skills develop to
take place to coincide with these spurts.
A child’s home
environment plays a critical part in early brain development—and lays
the foundations for later well-being. Warm and responsive relationships,
together with the ability to listen to, watch, or relate to other
people, are equally important.
Periods when the brain is
going through lots of change can be challenging as well as unsettling
for children, and will affect their behavior. During these times,
parents may feel their child is changing on a daily basis. Having some
understanding about these growth spurts can help to allay a parent’s
anxieties about accelerated or delayed development.
Fulfilling your toddler’s basic needs
Abraham Maslow
(1908-1970), an American psychologist, wanted to understand what
motivates some people to learn and develop, while others are held back.
He identified four basic areas of human need, each of which is linked to
the instinct for survival. He believed that until the four basic levels
are met we feel insecure or unsatisfied and will be unable to achieve
level 5: our future potential. There has been much debate about the
prioritizing of these categories over the years, but it is probably true
to say a small child needs his core requirements in place to develop
his true ability.
Table
| Level | Needs | Description |
|---|
| LEVEL 5 | FUTURE POTENTIAL | DREAMS, GOALS, SELF-BELIEF, FULFILMENT |
| Level 4 | Self-esteem | Progress, confidence, self-recognition, respect |
| Level 3 | Nurture | Love, affection, communication, belonging |
| Level 2 | Safety | Shelter, security, stability |
| Level 1 | Physiological | Hunger, thirst, sleep, warmth, movement, health |
Raising Twins
The early years of caring
for twins can be particularly challenging and you will feel you need
more than one pair of hands and many more hours in the day. But the good
news is that double the trouble means double the joy and fun, too!
Children who are a twin, a
triplet, or other multiple are individuals in their own right and also
part of a distinct unit. Both aspects of their uniqueness need to be
acknowledged by you, their parent. On the one hand, it can be lovely for
each child to enjoy the company of their close and familiar birth-mate;
on the other hand, as they start to grow up, it puts greater onus on
you to ensure that each child is loved and respected for their
individual talents and personality. At the toddler stage your twins need
particular help in learning to understand that they are separate not
only from you, but also from one another.
Practical care
Having two children of
toddler age is always a challenge and twins are no exception. Be aware
that twins are likely to take up twice as much time and energy as a solo
child of the same age. If you are parenting twins you are likely to
need more help from others. It is all too easy to get into the habit of
responding to both children in the same way, rather than as two
individuals with unique personalities. This stems partly from practical
considerations: if you are trying to get your children to bed, it will
be simpler to wash them together, read them the same story, and even
dress them in similar clothes, just as you would any other children of
similar ages. There is no harm in this when they are babies, but there
are particular considerations to keep in mind as your children begin to
talk and to grow.
Delayed development
Research shows that
parents of twins actually spend less time interacting with their
children than parents of a single child. This may be because twins seem
happy with each other’s company and need less soothing and interaction
from others. This can, however, mean they develop some skills slightly
later than other children—language, for example, which they may master
more slowly as a result of babbling to each other rather than to a
skilled language user such as a parent. Twins may also develop skills
later as a result of being born prematurely or having a low birth
weight.
Encouraging independence
Parents of twins
can unwittingly make more work. For example, it takes a long time for
any toddler to choose his clothes and begin to dress himself; imagine if
each morning you have to double that time and you’ll understand why
many parents of twins keep on dressing the children themselves—but in
the long run this help might delay the twins becoming independent.
It is important to spend
some time individually with each child, but don’t try to make things
fair. As with all children, twins will have different needs, and it is
not always a matter of dividing time equally or doing exactly the same
thing with each child. You need to structure your activity and time to
the needs and wants of each.
Some twins develop a
pattern of behavior whereby one of them is the follower and the other
the leader, or they may switch between these roles. This tendency can
extend to splitting their development progress, too. One may develop
their motor kills earlier, while the other develops language ability.
They may be so used to
being with each other that they behave like a single entity. This can be
particularly true of identical twins—possibly because parents and other
people tend to treat them more similarly than fraternal twins. Later on
in life, one twin may become good at one set of skills, while the other
will develop in a different direction; or, they may copy one another
and share many talents. Each child will be influenced by the other’s
development, but this needn’t necessarily be to the detriment of either
child.
A close relationship
Twins spend an unusual
amount of time in each other’s company; after all, they were together in
the womb prior to birth and will inevitably be compared with one
another throughout their life. This can be particularly difficult as
they reach toddler age where they have little control over their
emotional responses. They may react intensely to one another about
sharing toys, for example, but due to their closeness may seem to resent
any intervention, even from parents.
There is no need to
feel rejected by your twins, or threatened by their apparent
self-sufficiency. Because they are close, twins can become so focused on
each other that they are less aware or sensitive to the needs of others
around them. Mixing with other children is therefore very important
from an early age, so that each child develops a sense of their own
social skills and individuality.
A special bond
Twins often form a very close attachment to each other and may compete more with each other than with other children.
Top twins tips
Individuality
Consider giving each child distinctly different names and resist the temptation to dress them the same.
Development
Remember that each twin will develop at their own pace. Try not to pigeonhole their abilities and interests at a young age.
Labeling
Don’t be tempted to polarize one child as “good” and the other as “bad”—this may lead to a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Everyday care
If you
find that one twin is easier to handle, be aware of the impact that this
may have on the other child and make a conscious effort to spend time
alone with your more challenging twin.
Siblings
Beware
of inadvertently neglecting a sibling because your twins are demanding
of your time. Twins can sometimes team up against a sibling, too.
Schooling
Consider
whether it may be beneficial for your children to be in separate
classes at nursery or school where practically possible.
