As you have probably already realized by now, one of
the greatest challenges of being a parent is juggling all your roles and
responsibilities. It probably seems like there are never enough hours
in a day and it can be a challenge to manage your mood at the same time
as managing your toddler.
“The only way for me to get everything done is to involve the children in what I’m doing. Fortunately, they love it!”
—“The only way for me to get everything done is to involve the children in what I’m doing. Fortunately, they love it!”
“You are an individual as
well as a parent. Make time for your own interests—you will be happier
and your child will benefit, too.”
Balancing the
never-ending round of household chores with the art of child-rearing is a
challenge for even the most well-supported adult, but it can be a
source of major stress for sole caregivers or parents of large families.
The creative answer is to try to turn household chores into a time of
fun and early learning.
Child’s play
It is possible to rediscover the enjoyment of tasks such as
cooking by involving your children. Instead of rushing and being
stressed, you will have no choice but to take your time, and tune into
the task.
Turn hard work into child’s play
A young child does
not recognize the difference between work and play, provided it is fun,
and will find great pleasure and interest in the simplest of household
chores. However, I am not suggesting child exploitation here! Your
little one is too young to be given responsibility for undertaking
chores himself, and his safety should always be a priority.
Are you a mini me?
Getting chores done when
you have a toddler in tow is a challenge. Make the most of his enjoyment
of imitation by encouraging him to copy what you are doing (within
reason) in miniature. If you are washing the car, he can wash his toy
truck; if you are folding sheets, he can fold his teddy’s blanket; if
you are cooking, he can prepare some food, too. This is a great way for
your child to learn new skills and anything you can do to keep him
interested will encourage his smiles instead of tantrums.
De-stress with mess
Take the stress out of
your own day by turning gathering clothes and tidying up into a game
with rewards. This introduces the opportunity for your toddler to copy
what you do, and to add some fun to the process. You might want to take
some time to look at the colors and shapes of the items around your
home; you could go on a search for cobwebs and spiders (provided you are
not fearful yourself), or invent a special “sorting” song. Encouraging
children to put dirty clothes into the laundry basket and clean ones
away in a drawer can become a game helping them to learn colors and the
name of different items of clothing, and introducing the idea of large
and small sizes. Try to put the focus on sorting colors and shapes
rather than being fastidious about everything having to be neat and tidy
and in the right place.
Mixing and tasting
Baking cakes is a
favorite way to play. Most toddlers love making a mess and will get
immense enjoyment out of mixing and “helping” with their fingers,
elbows, and anything else that finds its way into the mix! The enjoyment
that your toddler gets from being able to eat the result of his labors
will guarantee you some help with preparing food in the future. But
remember not to let him near the hot oven until he is old enough to
fully understand the dangers.
How does your garden grow?
Growing things is
exciting for small children, whether simply watching the progress of a
carrot top sprouting in a saucer of water, or helping to weed a garden
or grow some seeds. The changes and growth in the plant are usually a
source of wonder and excitement—and offer the ideal opportunity to
explain how things grow. Try to resist the temptation to introduce the
true science until your little one is older. A simple explanation about
seeds needing water and sunshine will be enough. Any more detail and he
may appear to be listening, but he is far too young to understand what
you are saying.
Coping with toddler overload
When you are tired, you may
find yourself acting like your toddler. You might say “No” for the sake
of it; throw an adult tantrum if you feel out of control or
disregarded; occasionally feel negative and want to be left alone. This
is only human and feeling fed up is your right—sometimes! However, if
you are feeling low and increasingly negative toward your child, you
need to ask yourself if you are stressed, exhausted, not getting
support, or simply need a break. Take some time to consider what might
help you to respond to your toddler and to others in a more calm and
consistent way.
Do you feel as if you’re always saying “No” or “Don’t”?
There is no one
correct way to be as a parent, but trying to make sure you balance
negative comments with at least an equal number of positives is the
ideal. If you are in the habit of responding negatively, you are
probably feeling stressed or tired. Try to consciously turn the
negatives into positives next time you are playing with your child—and
plan for some time off, too.
Are you exhausted by all his questions?
Ignoring unwanted
behavior is an effective technique for controlling “bad” behavior in
children, but is not the ideal response if your child is being
inquisitive. Children need many of their questions answered so that they
learn and can begin to reason simply for themselves. If your toddler is
wearing you out and you have “had enough” for one day, explainto him
that “that is enough questions for one day. Daddy is tired now” so that
he understands the reason for your nonresponse.
Are you tired of scolding?
Your toddler needs
limits. However, constant criticism may stop him from experimenting, may
make him passive because he is afraid of your negative reaction, or
overly accepting of his “bad” label. He is now old enough for a short
and simple explanation of “No”—or to be shown why something might be
dangerous.
Is he always interrupting?
Your toddler can to
begin to learn that he sometimes has to wait for your attention.
Children of this age can start to learn that you cannot always be
child-focused.
Does he tend to do the opposite of what you tell him?
Telling a child he can’t
do something is often a good way to get him to do it. Try using a
paradoxical statement such as, “Bet you can’t put all those toys in the
box before I count to 10!” This approach can be very effective! It helps
encourage positive behavior, too.
Are you always showing him what to do?
Modeling behavior is an
ideal way to show a child what to expect, but this needs to be balanced
by allowing him to make mistakes. Trial and error helps him to find his
own way, without you jumping in to show him the “right” way—unless, of
course, he seems unsafe or out of control.
Making time for you
Schedule regular time
to do something completely unrelated to anything involving children and
family. Allocate time in your datebook—once you have written your plans
down, you are more likely to follow them through. The moment you feel
you have no time for anything other than work and chores is the very
moment to stop… and make a conscious decision to do something for you,
now, this week.
That goes for your partner,
too. If you look out for one another and make sure you are equally well
supported there will be less room for tension, resentment, or
exhaustion. The more relaxed and fulfilled you are, the less conflict
and upset there will be.
Make good use of your
support network. Do you have friends that you can call on for a chat or
to relax and unwind with? Do you make good use of your pediatrician and
any local baby and toddler groups? It is the ideal stage for your child
to start to make new friends, too.
