The subject of child abuse is a very difficult one to
read about and harder still to acknowledge if it occurs within your own
family. However, the reality is that in the vast majority of cases,
child abuse is committed by someone who is already known to the abused
child.
“Children are
vulnerable and need adults to protect their interests. If a child acts
or speaks in a way that makes you suspect abuse, it is essential to show
that you believe him and will take action to stop it.”
Toddlers have limited
skills of expression and little world experience, so it is not always
easy for them to let us know what is causing them distress or concern,
or even for them to be aware that there is anything “wrong.” Dramatic
changes in behavior that start suddenly may be a clue that something
different is going on in your child’s life that is causing distress.
One possible cause of
this behavior is abuse, but there are many others. It is a sad reality
that for a very small minority of children abuse does happen, and so it
is important for every parent to be aware of it, and of the warning signs.
Children’s fundamental rights
Every child has basic
rights: to develop attachments; to have a permanent home; the right to
education; and, most importantly, the right to remain mentally and
physically safe, and as healthy as possible. The United Nations
Convention on the Rights of the Child (1989) states that every child has
basic human rights, one of which is to be protected from exploitation
and abuse. This concept covers ill treatment, impairment of physical or
mental health or development, and includes the four different kinds of
abuse: physical abuse, sexual abuse, abuse through neglect, and
emotional abuse.
Physical abuse
This is a common style
of abuse. Approximately one-third of all child abuse is physical:
hitting, shaking, throwing, and causing any harm harsh enough to leave a
mark is considered physical abuse. Children who demonstrate difficult
behavior or behavior that challenges parents to their limits are more
likely to be physically abused.
Children under
five, and those with special needs, are considered most at risk. Parents
who are under extreme stress, from factors such as low income, marital
conflict, lone parenting, poor social support, or poor mental health,
can sometimes be more vulnerable to the tendency to abuse (though this
is by no means inevitable).
Be aware also: if a child
is thought of as difficult, manipulative, or negative; if the parent has
unrealistic developmental expectations; or if a parent is emotionally
distant, explosive, or overinvolved, the risk of physical abuse
increases. Self-awareness, a sensitivity to your own stress points, and
having a good support network are all useful in ensuring you don’t
overstep the mark when you are feeling tired, tense, or fed up with your
vulnerable toddler. Try to develop social networks that will help you
feel supported to avoid overload and exhaustion.
Sexual abuse
Sexual abuse Forcing or
enticing a young person to watch or take part in sexual activities,
whether or not the child is aware of what is happening, is sexual abuse.
It includes physical sexual contact as well as noncontact (for example,
exposing a child to pornographic images and sex acts between others, or
encouraging sexually inappropriate behavior). Sexual abuse can have a
severe and long-term impact, and with the increasing use of the
Internet, children are more vulnerable to sexual predators than they
were in the past.
Abuse through neglect
The failure to
meet a child’s basic physical, psychological, and emotional needs is
likely to lead to the serious deterioration of a child’s physical and
mental health and development. While this category of abuse is more
difficult to assess and measure—it is also more subjective—it
nevertheless accounts for nearly one-half of all child abuse cases.
Emotional abuse
The emotional
ill-treatment of a child can have long-term, severe, and persistent
adverse side effects. Emotional abuse often cannot be seen except
through how a child behaves. Giving a child the persistent message that
he is unwanted, worthless, unloved, inadequate, and not valued can make
him feel deeply insecure, frightened, and in danger. Exposing a child to
negativity about his other parent also constitutes a form of emotional
abuse. Emotional abuse may also occur along with the other types of
abuse—such as in sexual abuse, physical abuse, or abuse through
neglect—but also occurs on its own. The long-term impact of emotional
abuse on self-esteem is seriously damaging.
Support for abused children
Children who are abused
are victims of the mental, emotional, and behavioral problems of the
adults abusing them. They are not responsible for what is happening to
them, but are often made to feel that they are. They need gentle and
compassionate support to process their experiences (via play, talking,
or family therapies), often over an extended period. Given time, care,
and plenty of specialist support, there is no reason why these children
should not grow up to be strong, positive, and nonabusive adults.
Warning signs of possible abuse
It is important to
emphasize that there are many other reasons why one or more of these
signs might appear on its own, either temporarily or over time. However,
if all or most of the warning signs seem to be in evidence for much of
the time, then it is worth investigating whether there is something
amiss with a child’s development and treatment:
The child shows sexualized behavior and play, talks about sex acts, and uses words that are developmentally inappropriate.
The child appears uncared for, dirty, and disheveled.
The child has unexplained or unusual marks or bruises.
There
are sudden changes in a child’s behavior: he starts to destroy things,
becomes very clingy, starts soiling, or becomes very afraid of certain
places and people.
There are sudden changes in a child’s emotional behavior: for example, he becomes very anxious, scared, or angry.
The child shows persistently aggressive and destructive behavior.
The child has chronic low self-esteem and a lack of confidence with a tendency to make very negative comments about himself.
Child
protection is everyone’s responsibility, so if you suspect a child is
unsafe then you have a responsibility to report the matter to Child and
Family Services for investigation.
