| Q: |
When will my baby sleep through the night?
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Like most parents, you may be eager to know when you can expect a
little more nighttime sleep from your baby and for yourself. The good
news: About 70 percent of babies sleep through the night by three months
of age, usually lasting from their late night feeding until their next
one in the early morning, giving you a precious few hour’s slumber to
recharge your batteries. A full night’s sleep comes a little later, at
about six months old, when you can expect a relatively undisturbed 10 or
12 hours of rest for your baby and yourself.
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| Q: |
Will my little girl go to sleep more quickly if I exhaust her with play every day?
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It is a common misconception that you need to wear your child out
through play and activity right up to bedtime so she will fall asleep
from utter exhaustion. It is worthwhile to give her plenty of playtime
and stimulation during the day, but not close to bedtime. As you prepare
her for sleep, your baby needs less nervous-system arousal, which means
calming, quiet routines. Your aim is to have her fall asleep through
increased relaxation, avoiding getting her over-excited. There is
evidence that the more daylight she’s exposed to, the better she’ll
sleep at night. It’s also known that being in a natural environment
improves adults’ sense of well-being, so a walk in the park or playtime
in the backyard will help her sleep at night and elevate your mood as
well.
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| Q: |
I can’t cope with my constantly crying baby. What can I do?
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A crying baby who seems inconsolable no matter what you do can
stretch any parent to breaking point. Things can get especially
difficult at night, when you are most tired, and you’re probably
conscious that other family members or neighbors might be woken by the
crying. It’s common to feel at these times that you’re not good enough
as a parent no matter how hard you’ve tried. Try to cast out any
thoughts that you’re failing, reassure yourself that you’ve tried every
soothing trick in the guide and that you couldn’t do any more.
If you feel unable to
continue trying to soothe your child, try passing her to someone else
for a while. It often happens that a new pair of hands will be enough to
calm the crying. If you don’t have someone to support you at the time
and must have a short rest from soothing your baby, place her safely in
her crib and take a few moments to compose yourself. Have a cool drink,
stand on the doorstep for some fresh air, relax your muscles by letting
your shoulders droop, shake your hands and arms to release tension, or
phone a parenting helpline to express how you feel. She won’t come to
any harm if you leave her for ten minutes or so, as long as you are
close by. When you go to her again you may find she’ll respond to your
renewed calmness.
If the crying becomes
so stressful that you fear you might shake your baby or harm her in
some way, put her down in her crib and get help immediately from your
partner, family, friends, or a professional. If you have to wait for
help to arrive, don’t leave your baby alone in the house. If she’s in
her crib, check regularly that she is okay.
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| Q: |
Will using cloth diapers mean my baby is more likely to wake up when she wets in the night?
| | A: |
Sometimes it can be a hard decision to balance what’s best for
the environment with the need to keep your baby undisturbed by dampness
in the night. However, don’t dismiss cloth diapers as a nighttime option
as they’ve evolved considerably since the terry square and safety pin
design. Pocket diapers, which contain absorbent inserts, can work well
at night as padding can be added and they do move liquids away from your
baby’s skin to avoid the sensation of wetness.
However, no matter
which diaper you choose you’re likely to have to change your infant at
least once a night in the early months. Minimize disruption by laying
out all that you’ll need before she goes off to sleep, have a night
light to illuminate the task, and avoid turning on the main light which
can wake your baby further. Work calmly and confidently and she may
hardly rouse as you change her.
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| Q: |
I’m concerned my baby will wake my other children when she cries in the night. Am I worrying needlessly?
| | A: |
It’s true that your children may have their routine and even
their sleep disturbed occasionally by your new arrival. Minimize
disruption by maintaining your older children’s existing bedtime and
wind down routine. Perhaps you could enlist your partner or a family
member to help with the baby while you put the others to bed. Unlike
adults, your children will usually enter a phase of deep sleep soon
after falling asleep. This will last a couple of hours and is achieved
again during the hour or two before waking in the morning. During these
periods of deep sleep, your children are unlikely to be roused by your
baby, or anything else for that matter. In the middle of the night there
will be times of lighter sleep and a noisy baby may be a problem at
first. However, children should soon become accustomed to new nighttime
noises and are less likely to be woken once these become familiar
sounds.
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| Q: |
Should I breast- or bottle-feed?
| | A: |
The bonding and nutritional benefits of breastfeeding are well
documented, and it’s a good option if you feel you can do it. It is not
always an easy choice: Some mothers’ initial attempts to breastfeed are
so painful or nonproductive that bottle feeding is introduced. For
others, the prospect of being watched while feeding is off-putting,
while in some families it is discouraged so that others can share in
feedings.
Feeding your baby is a
special quiet time when you can hold her close, make eye contact,
gently caress her, and relax as she lies in your arms. Breastfeeding
mothers can make the most of skin-to-skin contact too. If you are
bottle-feeding, make sure that all, or almost all, bottles are given by
you or your partner in the first few weeks. If other adults are feeding
your baby, too, she’ll miss out on this prime bonding time with the two
of you.
Whether you breast-
or bottle-feed, dads can get involved. Expressed breast milk allows dads
to play a role. Picking up some night feedings can be especially
helpful to the mother. Bottle-fed babies get the benefit of being held
close by both parents, which can even out the balance of the baby’s
experience of both caregivers.
Your breast milk is
made specifically for your baby. It transfers your antibodies to fight
disease, and provides all the nutrition your baby needs up to the age of
six months. Formula is also designed to provide a good nutritional
balance, as long as it is prepared exactly as described on the
packaging. Do not add any other ingredients or use cow’s milk in your
baby’s first year.
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| Q: |
What are the challenges for breastfeeding mothers?
| | A: |
Breaking a family tradition of bottle-feeding may be one of the
challenges you face as a new parent. You may have little support from
family members if no one else has breastfed and they can’t offer advice
on the best methods. There may even be resentment for keeping the
feeding to yourself when others are eager to enjoy the closeness of
offering a bottle. It will take plenty of resolve to resist these
pressures. Support from your partner is crucial: When they take a role
in defending your decision to breastfeed and responding to pressure to
bottle-feed, you can concentrate on the important task of feeding
itself. Breastfeeding can be an immensely satisfying experience, but it
does entail giving yourself over to your baby, which may lead to the
feeling that your body is not your own. At these moments, your
consolation can be in knowing you are giving your baby the best
nutritional start in life, that each feeding gives you the skin-to-skin
contact that enhances bonding, and that breastfeeding can help you lose
your baby weight.
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| Q: |
When should I wean?
| | A: |
Breastmilk or formula should meet your baby’s nutritional needs
until he’s six months old. Weaning used to be recommended earlier, but
the prevailing opinion is now that solids should not be given before
your baby is four months old, since the digestive and immune system is
not yet fully ready.
When you introduce
solid food, expect a mess. Your baby will want to squish it, spread it,
and, if you’re lucky, get it into his mouth. He’s exploring new
textures, so let him experiment and keep a damp cloth handy for
clean-up. And expect some tears and refusals. The feel of the food on
his tongue will be different from the smooth sensation of milk, and
since he’s used to a steady flow of fluid, he may be surprised at the
gap between spoonfuls of solid food.
Do go at his pace and
never force-feed him. If he’s becoming unhappy, stop and try again next
time. That way he will come to see mealtimes as a pleasure rather than
an ordeal. Don’t give up on a new taste; even if he rejects something,
try again next time. It takes at least ten tries before a new food
becomes familiar, so perseverance is the key. Always stay with your
child while he is eating.
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Well fed How to tell if it’s enough
I breastfed my baby and
constantly wondered if I was giving her enough to drink. I was always
envious of bottle-feeding moms who could tell you exactly how many fluid
ounces their baby had each time. I worked out in the end how to gauge
it for myself. I kept an eye on her diapers to check she was having
enough wet ones each day. If she had five or six wet diapers a day and
her urine was pale yellow, she was getting enough to drink but if it was
less or her urine was dark, then I needed to breastfeed her more often.
Bottle-feeding Fighting disapproval
I feel so judged by other
parents for bottle-feeding my baby. Some mothers, and even some health
professionals, tell me breastfeeding is better or imply I could have
tried harder before switching to the bottle. I do wish I had breastfed
for longer than six weeks, but it simply proved too painful, and my baby
was constantly hungry. I’m lucky that I had a supportive pediatrician,
she did want me to continue to breastfeed, but gave me good advice when I
made the decision to change. She reminded me to be sure to hold my baby
while I bottle-fed, to make the most of that time to bond, and to limit
the number of others who wielded the bottle.
NOTE
A crying baby who seems inconsolable can stretch anyone to breaking point
NOTE
Your breastmilk is made specifically for your baby and transfers your antibodies to fight disease
Soothing a crying baby Why they cry and what to do
If your baby is crying
and you’ve ruled out illness, and practical solutions such as feeding, a
diaper change, and more or less clothing haven’t worked, then hands-on
soothing strategies are the next step.
Crying is your
baby’s most important way of communicating with you, especially in the
early days. She’s trying hard to help you understand what she wants and
needs. Crying tends to be at its most frequent (about two hours per day)
when your infant is three to six weeks old.
Common reasons your baby cries…
Being hungry or thirsty Having a wet or dirty diaper Being too cold or too warm Needing reassurance that you are around. Boredom and wanting to play or the opposite—being overwhelmed by too much going on Being overtired Being in pain and needing help Colic
Hold
Feeling
securely held can be calming in itself. Position your baby firmly
against your body; either in your arms, upright and supported against
your shoulder, or in a baby sling.
Sing
The sound
of your voice is naturally soothing to your baby, so humming, singing
softly, or murmuring can help reduce her state of arousal. If you speak
to her, keep to a low, steady tone, rather than your usual “sing song”
voice.
Pace
Hold
your baby close and simply pace the room. Make sure you are not too
abrupt as you turn and choose a dimly-lit room with nothing else going
on, particularly no TV, loud music, or other people moving around.
Wrap her up
Swaddling
your child by wrapping her firmly in a soft blanket can recreate the
reassuring feeling of being held tightly that she experienced in the
womb.
Gently rock
Repeated,
smooth rhythmic movements can have a settling effect. Keep your baby’s
head well supported and rock her in your arms side to side or up and
down.
Massage
Touch has a powerful soothing effect. Softly patting her, rubbing her back, or gently holding her hands or feet may help. Try baby massage which is known to reduce episodes of crying; don’t do this while she is distressed though, wait until she’s calm and relaxed.
Machinery
Oddly enough
your baby may be calmed by the rumble of machinery, such as the washing
machine, vacuum cleaner, or dryer. She may also like tape recordings of
heartbeats or other rhythmic sounds. These sounds mimic the noises of
your body that she heard before birth. Sounds of nature can also be
soothing, such as recordings of birdsong.
Take a break
It
can be very distressing, not to mention exhausting, trying to soothe
your crying baby. It’s important to recognize your tolerance levels and
seek help from your partner, family, or friends before you reach the
breaking point.
No relief?
If your
baby’s cries persist no matter how hard you try to soothe her, and you
judge that she is in pain that you can’t relieve, seek medical help from
her pediatrician.
Colic: trying to understand
The specific cause of
colic is not known. Experts suggest a range of explanations, from food
intolerance to gas to overstimulation. Its effects are well known to
many parents; up to one in five babies will go through it. Crying as a
result of colic can last for several hours and is worse in the early
evening. Your baby is likely to graduate from cries to screams, and her
body will be involved. She may pull up her knees, clench her fists, pass
gas, and show facial expressions of pain. Colic and its associated
crying usually start at around two or three weeks of age and will often
have abated by 12 weeks. Since a colic spell may last for hours and is
difficult to soothe, it is intensely stressful for both you and your
baby. To manage your colicky baby, try all the usual techniques to calm
crying.
Other suggestions
include laying your baby face down over your lap and gently patting her
back, encouraging her to suck on the breast or bottle, and practicing
baby massage when she is calm. Through trial and error you will find the
combination of strategies that work best for your child. If colic seems
worse in the evenings, one possibility may be overstimulation; soothing
measures such as swaddling and dim lights may help, as well as a calmer
daytime routine.
Getting a break from
soothing your colicky baby is crucial, since coping with her distress is
exhausting in itself. Be reassured that by the age of four months, very
few babies still experience this condition.
Communication
When your baby cries she
is trying to explain to you that all is not right in her world and she
is asking for your help. It is up to you to determine what she’s trying
to say.
Lullabies
Singing or speaking softly to your distressed baby may calm her, since your voice is familiar and naturally soothing.
Back and forth
Gently rocking your baby in your arms or pacing the room with her may help; she’ll enjoy the rhythmical motion.
All wrapped up
Swaddling calms and reassures many babies, because the gentle pressure recreates the feeling of being in the womb.
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