You and your partner Nurturing relationships after the birth
The arrival of a
baby can put a strain on relationships, since a couple may shower
attention on their baby, but neglect each other. It's important
therefore to make time for each other.
Arrange a
babysitter and spend an evening out together to focus on your
relationship and to rekindle feelings for each other. Surprise your
partner by reserving a table at your favorite restaurant.
If
you're worried about your relationship, remember that your
circumstances aren't unique; keep communicating, finding quiet time to
talk when your baby has settled down.
Rebuilding intimacy Sex after birth
Having sex
can be a daunting prospect after giving birth. You may be feeling
unsexy, tired, and uncomfortable from stitches, and your partner may be
unsure about when to initiate sex. It's best to ease slowly back into
lovemaking.
Don't launch immediately back into penetrative sex. Spend time first simply caressing and massaging each other.
You
may experience more vaginal dryness as a result of hormonal changes, in
which case, using a lubricant can help make lovemaking more
comfortable.
Be open with each other about your feelings to avoid resentment and misunderstanding.
Relationships after birth
It's common for one or
both partners to feel neglected after the birth, and the constant
demands of a new baby can put a strain on the best of relationships. For
the mother, it's easy to feel unattractive since her body takes time to
return to its pre-pregnancy state. Both partners can feel inhibited by
the presence of a baby in the house—probably in your own room—and are
likely to be exhausted from weeks of broken sleep. Fathers often feel
that all the mother's attention is now directed toward the baby, and
they can sometimes begin to feel like an onlooker, expected to be
supportive throughout. To ensure that your relationship remains strong,
communicate constantly. It's vital that you recognize each other's needs
and try to spend some time focusing on each other and being attentive
to your partner.
Time alone:
You may be too
exhausted to even contemplate sex, but simply being affectionate toward
each other and maintaining a language of intimacy will help your
relationship to thrive.
NOTE
Human immunity is a marvelous process that works from birth and can protect even the tiniest of babies from illnesses
NOTE
Don't feel rushed into sexual relations. Try to see this as a time when you both need to find other ways to be loving
NOTE
It's good for you
and your partner to take time out as a couple. Just a few hours at your
favorite restaurant can make a difference
Finding a babysitter Time out with your partner
There are various
options for finding a babysitter: advertising locally for a young
person, hiring a nanny, joining a babysitting circle with local parents,
or asking grandparents or other family members to babysit. Any
babysitter should have spent some time with your baby so that they feel
comfortable with them, understand their routines, likes and dislikes,
allergies, and medical conditions. They should always have your contact
details, and you should have theirs. As well as personal
recommendations, checking references is essential. Most of all, trust
your own instincts.
Enlisting the help of grandparents
Asking a grandparent to
babysit can be a lovely way for them to build a relationship with
grandchildren, and provides you with peace of mind. Bear in mind that
today's grandparents have busy lives too!
| Q: |
What other options are there?
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| A: |
Babysitting circles are an informal arrangement where parents
take turns watching each other's children. Each time you babysit for
another parent you earn credits, which are then spent when your children
are being babysat. These babysitters tend to be other parents whom your
children will know and will have children of their own, which could be
an advantage. There are several ways you can find out about babysitting
circles, for instance through your local place of worship, friends,
community center, local preschools, or a local health clinic.
Whether you choose a
babysitter from an agency or among acquaintances or even family, check
references well and you could consider ordering a criminal background
check online for a fee.
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The help of grandparents:
Having involved
grandparents can be an enormous help, allowing you to take time out
knowing that your baby is receiving loving care.
Time out together:
Getting out as a couple
and spending some quality time alone together is important to keep your
relationship strong and maintain your identity as a couple.
Myths and misconceptions Is it true that…
| Q: |
I'll lose all the baby weight if I breast-feed?
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| A: |
It's
estimated that breast-feeding burns around 300 calories a day, so it
certainly helps, but it's unlikely to make you magically return to your
pre-pregnancy weight again! To give your
body time to recover from labor and birth, wait six weeks or so before
you think about weight loss. Be sure to eat sensibly, get regular
exercise, and allow nature to do the rest.
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| Q: |
I should be able to fit into my old jeans?
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| A: |
Is it safe
to lose weight so quickly after giving birth? Extreme dieting isn't
healthy for a mom or her baby. If you're nursing, you need to take in a
certain amount of vitamins, minerals, fat, and other nutrients to
maintain the quality of your breast milk.
So when you deprive yourself of nutrients, you're also depriving your
baby. Plus, you have to remember that giving birth, while natural, is
very traumatic for your body—you need time to heal. You shouldn't be
pushing yourself to lose weight.
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| Q: |
Grandparents will babysit for us anytime, right?
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| A: |
Don't forget that grandparents still have their own lives, friends, and activities!
Grandparents are usually very happy to babysit, but don't just assume
they're always free, and don't use them as a drop-off point at any time
of the day or night! Your parents will love taking care of your baby
when you need a break, but don't take them for granted.
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