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Helping children cope with divorce

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Description: Helping children cope with divorce

Newest study estimates that, there is 1 in 4 children on average has seen parents divorced before entering adulthood. Although it is the big hurt and it is hard to compensate, you still can help the child integrate into normal life by following some tips.

Most families are trying to control the change in characters, feelings of children, helping them adjust to move to a new family after divorce, but most acts create reverse effects and make the situation worse. It's attached to a reality that most parents do not consider to negative impact of divorce on their children.

How can you tell your children that their father/mother can not live together anymore? Never excuse that “everything is fine”, because kids are observant enough to realize that it's a lie, or not promise something like “everything will still as before, you can still see dad/mom whenever you want” if you are not sure about the feasibility of this promise. Depending on the children age, you will have different explanation, but before you say, think carefully about the awareness of your children about divorce, should they need to know it all, or only a part of the story?

Description: Helping children cope with divorce

Keep in mind that, whether you are dissatisfied or angry with the other person, do not condemn father / mother of your children in front of them, it will not turn your children into your side and indirectly destroy the relation between you and them.

Do not force your children to choose between living with father or mother, the competition will make them torment by love for both dad and mom, and, worry for their future life. Instead, explain simply to your children this is not their fault and parents still love them as before.

Do not quibble and avoid imposing children, listen to their feelings, let them freely express anger, frustration, sadness, absolutely do not justify or blame the other. If you and children can not talk frankly, do not hesitate to encourage them to share someone else that you both are comfortable and trust.

Let your children freely to ask questions, that may be obvious questions, or maybe a weird one like “Then where will I live? How will this Christmas vacation be? Do I have to get out of this house”. Do not be surprised at these questions, because of their guesswork started from their “similar circumstances” friends and the drama that they usually watch.

Please let the school know about the current status of the family, tell the teacher that your children can be happy or sad irregularly, be confused, and having needs to be shared and understood more than before.

For most children, maintaining relationships with both dad and mom is the important factor to help them adapt and accept the reality of divorce. When you prepare to live separately, the children will have difficulty adapting to new home, new laws, new habits, things are generally different from the old house and it is difficult for them to choose the one that they will go by. At this time, there is no way that you reduce the difference, and strictly follow the covenant after divorce. Note that you should keep respectful attitude to your ex, and demonstrate to your children that you prioritize the best for them, and let them to review, choose and accept to live with father or mother.

There is an argument that, in the divorce, the most vulnerable people are children. Although time will heal and help them forget the loss, it is hard to have any experience that can help them stand. Therefore, the care and efforts of father and mother are initial factors to help them brave to pass this difficulty period.

Children who are extrovert and fun before the divorce will usually adaptable and pass the shock easily than the quiet and shy children. While those with high intelligence, even with the trauma, they will be less stubborn and more subdued response. Fact proven that children with divorced parents will develop skills to solve the psychology crisis better. In addition, note that the mood of parents after divorce has important influence to their children. This conclusion was confirmed by a famous psychology doctor that negative depression of father / mother can affect badly to the formation of personality and attitudes of children.

Simply, the parents who love life will help their children love life, it means that children will get the positive effects on physical health, mental and psychological, if their parents invest these things for themselves before. This does not mean we are encouraging couples to enjoy luxury vacations in Caribbean and leave the kids watching movies alone. Remember that, prioritize benefits to your children first.

Here are some simple tips that you can take to help children cope with divorce shock:

  • Parents are still parents:

Keep skills and methods of raising and teaching children well whether you no longer have your wife / husband accompanied with, this is the basic foundation for the comprehensive development of children.

  • Do not let your kids see their parents argue and fight:

Many studies showed that, when watching angry parents, the child will be affected and easily become taciturn, fastidious. So please limit arguing in front of children.

  • Maintain close relationships with your children through intimate conversations:

You should share with them more, however, should avoid all details related to the divorce because it will make your kids panic and anxiety. A government organization has recommended that the parents who ignore the presence of children or use children as an indirect tool against his / her ex husband will make everyone involved vulnerable of psychology and blood relationship.

  • Seek help from those around you:

Do not be afraid to ask friends, neighbors, relatives, schools and children clubs to support you in taking care your children. Typically, the role of grandparents can help your children heal the heart wounds most effectively after divorce.

  • Keep close contact with the school:

The students have divorced parents often neglect the study at schools, particularly at young age. One study showed that the number of youth dropping out of school in case of divorced families has doubled than the normal youth. So, if your children are frustrated and study worse, contact with teachers and discuss solutions.

  • Take control relationships between siblings:

After the divorce, dad / mom tend to let older child keep the younger one, you need to note that this is not a right method. The family members assist each other is good, but remember, the responsibility to take care of family belongs to parents, not children.

  • Spend your free time for children:

At each age, children have different needs and entertaining. Children from 2-6 years old need you to join in the fantasy story, children at elementary school begin learning theft or fighting, while younger adolescents tend to stick to the issue of illegal and reactionary. So, please take the time to share hobbies and interests with your children, this will be the glue to ties you and them.

  • Please support your children with aftershocks of divorce:

Description: Please support your children with aftershocks of divorce:

These young people have divorced parents will easily fall into drug addiction, others hate themselves and fall into depression. The younger children feel sad with thinking that they caused their parents split up. In this situation, you need to stay calm, be aware that your children need time to regain balance after the divorce shock, time passes, and you will see a gradual evolution.

In case the situation becomes worse after a few months, this is sign that your children is suffering from chronic depression, this time, you should contact the experts for advice and treatment.

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