Holding family meetings
We’ve been using
family meetings as a tool for managing and planning our life for more
than eight years now. For our family, the aim of family meetings is to:
• provide an organised way of dealing with contentious issues
• create a forum where all voices are equal
• create a space where we can jointly plan fun activities and other parts of home life
• role model and offer opportunities for the kids to practise decision making, negotiation and problem-solving skills
• create a sense of ownership of family decisions.
During
the meetings we try to encourage the kids to take part in solving
problems and generating ideas. If a child has an issue they want raised
at the family meeting, they have to bring along a solution and not just
the problem.
We
started having family meetings when our eldest child was four and our
second child was two. When you only have children of this age at a
family meeting, it can feel slightly strange! However, starting the
meetings with kids at this age means they’ll grow up accepting them as
part of their life: they’ll expect to have meetings regularly, and will
be prepared to contribute their thoughts and opinions.
Guidelines for family meetings
We
developed guidelines so everyone would understand how family meetings
were to be run. Depending on the age of your kids and your family
dynamics, our guidelines may not necessarily be a perfect match, but you
can use the key headings that follow to develop your own guidelines for
providing a strong framework for your family meetings.
Set a time and frequency
Set
a regular time and day when everyone is most likely to be at home.
Decide how often you want to meet. (We currently meet fortnightly.)
Choose a suitable place
The meetings need to be held in a place that’s free from distractions. (We use the dinner table.)
Decide who should attend
All family members over the age of two are expected to attend our meetings.
Rotate the convenor or chair
At our place we take it
in turns to convene meetings so that everyone has a go. Mum or Dad
assists the toddler and preschooler until they get the hang of things.
Take minutes
We
take minutes at each meeting and these are always reviewed as the first
agenda item at the next family meeting. The children who can write also
have a turn at taking the minutes.
Choose a time frame
Due to the age of the children attending, we aim to make our meetings last no longer than 20 minutes.
Raise hands
Everyone must raise
their hand and be acknowledged by the convenor before they may speak.
This practice teaches children that in meetings not only do you have an
opportunity to talk, but you also need to listen to others.
Follow agenda items
Although we
use a formal structure for our family meetings, they’re generally
lighthearted and fun. Quite often the meeting is more of a sharing time,
where kids or adults provide updates to the family on areas of their
life or items of interest.
Ensure agreement
We
keep working on a resolution for each matter raised until we have one
that all family members can agree on. This is critical to the success of
our family meetings. No-one should leave the family meeting feeling
they haven’t been listened to or their needs haven’t been taken into
consideration.
The benefits of family meetings
Our
regular family meetings have allowed us to establish a forum for
resolving problems and sharing ideas. When a contentious issue arises in
the middle of a busy day it can be very helpful if I can assure
everyone I’m putting the matter on the agenda for the next meeting. It
instantly takes the heat out of the situation and makes the kids start
thinking about solutions.
Family
meetings allow for all family members to feel their contribution has
been taken into account, regardless of their age. This doesn’t mean the
kids get exactly what they want, but it teaches them about compromise
and that sometimes getting agreement means making concessions. It also
teaches the older children to work out what are the ‘must-haves’ in
relation to their issues, and makes them practise using persuasive
arguments to attain what they want. Most importantly, as the kids have
had an input regarding the decisions being made at family meetings,
there’s a much better chance they’ll stick to those decisions in the
future.
Taking action
• Establish morning and evening routines for your children.
• Determine your base operating level of cleanliness and tidiness for the family home.
• Create a key task guide that will help you maintain this base level.
• Complete your key tasks using 15-minute blocks of activity.
• Allocate household chores to every member of the family as part of their daily routines.
• Determine your minimum requirements for laundry across the week and incorporate them into your key task guide.
• Use family meetings as a tool for managing and planning daily family life.
