REMEMBER
HOW much fun it was when you knew your spouse was “the one” and you
started to savor getting to know him? Was he grouchy in the morning?
Did he eat vegetables? Did he have an unfailing sense of humor in a
crisis? Was there a deep pool of kindness at the center of his being?
Now it’s time for both of you to get to know your baby. Not the baby
you imagined or the one you hope for (“No child of mine is going to . .
.”) but the real-life, flesh-and-blood human being in your arms. It’s a
lifetime endeavor that begins this month. Make it a conscious journey.
And of course, let Dad run interference with all those well-meaning
relatives and friends who know ALL about babies. They don’t know this
one. No one does just yet.
What
would a month be without some organizing projects? This month they are
blissfully small in scope and I hope offer you some fun. First you’ll
need to send out thank-you notes and baby announcements. You’ll
probably do a mix of cyber thank you’s and snail mail versions. It can
be fun to match the perfect thank you to the personality of the
recipient. By now you know that I can be a bit of a pit bull when it
comes to avoiding the old “well run dry” syndrome. Ergo, our third week
is all about self-care. It simply can’t go by the wayside as new
responsibilities and tasks threaten to engulf you. Finally, another
area emphasized is sleep. It’s crucial to everyone but especially to a
new mom. Your body has been through a trauma. You’ve got to figure out
ways to help it heal and sleep is at the top of the list. Grab your
resolve and your camera; it’s the first month of your new lives as
parents! Let’s savor every moment.
HABIT OF THE MONTH
Start
Trying to Go to Bed Thirty Minutes Earlier than You’re Used To Most new
moms get by on a lot less sleep than they’re used to, and even if your
baby starts sleeping through the night early, chances are good you
aren’t sleeping as soundly as you once did. It’s tempting to stay up
long after the baby falls asleep for “me time,” but adequate sleep is
some of the most important time you can invest in yourself. Start
moving your bedtime back in five-minute increments until you’re falling
asleep a full half-hour earlier than you used to. Sleep is such an
important part of everyone’s life that an entire week is devoted to it
this month.
1. WEEK 1 POSTPARTUM
Get into the Groove of Motherhood
This week, you can
• Do as much or as little as you want. You’re a new mom and you’ve earned the right!
HOW
YOU’LL FEEL the first week after having a baby is a big question mark.
You may feel fantastic and wonder what all the fuss is about. Or you
might be sore, tired, overwhelmed, and teary. Either reaction is
normal. Many women seem to ride an emotional and hormone-driven high
throughout the early weeks of new motherhood (though, watch
it—sometimes that high comes crashing down later!). But even if you’re
feeling great, you still need to take it easy (which can be easier said
than done if you’re a get-up-and-go kind of woman). Your organs are
returning to their pre-pregnancy size and shape, your body is healing
from birth or possibly surgery, and overdoing it can lead to
undesirable conditions like infections and prolapsed organs.
So
try to stick to a few rules this week: Stay down (whether lying in bed
or reclining on the sofa) as much as possible, don’t lift anything
heavier than your baby, and let other people take care of you so that
you and your baby can get off to the best possible start.
CARING FOR YOURSELF
It’s likely that
you’re taking some kind of pain medication right now and possibly using
heat and ice to soothe cramping and soreness. It can be surprisingly
difficult to keep track of it all, and the last thing you want to do is
accidentally overdose on Tylenol because you lost track. Try these tips:
If
you’re breastfeeding, you may forget which breast you nursed your baby
on last. Feeding twice in a row on one side may make you feel
“lopsided” and uncomfortable. To help you remember, leave the flap of
your nursing bra down on the side you finished on. Then, when
Baby’s hungry again, you know to feed her on the other side. If that’s
not comfortable, try putting a safety pin on the side that you last fed
your baby on.
Medications
work best to manage pain when they’re taken ’round the clock. If you
wait until you’re experiencing cramping or soreness to pop a pill, it
won’t work as well and you may need to take more of it to control
discomfort. If you know you’ll be rotating Tylenol every six hours and
Motrin every four hours, create a schedule that makes sense and doesn’t
wake you up every two hours through the night. (For example, maybe your
doctor or midwife would OK a larger dose of Motrin right before bed so
that you can wait until morning to repeat.)
Once
you’ve set up your medication schedule, you can either keep track of it
on a simple hour-by-hour calendar you create in Excel or in a day
planner, or set your smart phone’s alarm to alert you when it’s time to
take a medication (with a note about which medication to take). After a few days, you should start needing the medications less and less and can slowly wean off of them.
One
of the best things you can do to keep uterine cramping at a minimum is
to keep your bladder empty. A full bladder presses against your
reproductive organs and is not only uncomfortable but can cause you to
have heavier postpartum bleeding. But sometimes giving birth actually
bruises your urinary tract and you won’t feel the urge to go . . . or
you may just get so caught up in your baby that you actually forget to
pee. It’s a good idea to set an alarm to remind you to go to the
bathroom every couple of hours. Or you can peg bathroom breaks to
another frequent task to help you remember: For instance, try going to
the bathroom every time you change Baby’s diaper or just before you
feed her.
In all the movies that glorify the fantasy of parenthood, Mom and Dad look at their child in the delivery room and are instantly
in love with their son or daughter. Indeed, your love for this child
will be like no other you’ve ever experienced. But if it isn’t instant,
don’t panic. Whether it’s garden-variety baby blues or the more serious
postpartum depression, ask for help. There isn’t any reason to suffer
in silence.
And while we’re dealing with reality, let’s talk
about the changing landscape of your relationship. All couples will
need to adjust the “we” you created when you came together in order to
accommodate and include Baby. Give yourself the gift of time and allow
your relationship to grow. Right now you’re also likely feeling sore,
tired, and sleep-deprived—but rest assured that although this phase is
uncomfortable and a little scary, it will pass. Very often it’s the
difficult times in our lives that yield the most positive change.
Whenever you go to the bathroom remember
to switch out nursing pads, ice packs, and sanitary napkins, and ask
your spouse or helper to reheat your rice pack for your belly. This
will keep you comfortable and clean (helping to reduce the risk of
infection) as well as help you monitor bleeding.