3. Help Dad Bond with Baby
Bonding between parent and child is
very important. It’s easy for a mother to bond with her baby; they are
linked in a number of physical ways. It’s harder for a man to bond with
baby, but you can help your partner do this. He can begin bonding with
the baby before birth and continue after baby is born. Encourage your
partner to do any of the following.
•Talk to the baby while it is in the uterus.
•Talk to the baby soon after birth. Babies bond to sound very quickly.
•Hold the baby close and make eye contact; a baby makes associations based on sight and smell.
•Feed the baby. It’s easy if you bottlefeed. If you breastfeed, let dad give baby a bottle of expressed breast milk.
•Help with daily chores, such as changing diapers, holding the baby when it is restless, and bathing and dressing baby.
•Care
for baby in ways that work for the both of them. Even if he doesn’t do
something the way you would, if it works for dad and baby, let them do
it their way.
In my work, nearly all the phone calls
I get are from women. When the answering service said they had Josh on
the line, I thought they had the wrong healthcare provider. Josh
explained that his wife, Anne, was a patient of mine, due in about 2
months. He was very upset. They had always been open and close during
their marriage, but now he felt left out. They had lost some of the
intimacy they had always shared. He confessed he wasn’t sure what to do
or how to get involved in the pregnancy. He feared Anne didn’t need
him, and they were drifting apart. I suggested Josh come with Anne on
her next visit, and I’d help him “break the ice.” At the visit, I
brought up the topic of sex and intimacy during pregnancy. It turned
out they both had some misconceptions. I told them this was normal.
They might need to make some changes in their lovemaking, but they
could still be intimate. Anne had felt Josh was a little aloof, but she
didn’t know what to do about it. It took some effort from both of them,
but Josh confided in me at the delivery that things were much better.
Anne really did need him after all.
Most couples are concerned about sexual
activity during pregnancy; however, men are more often concerned with
this aspect of a relationship. It’s an important topic, so discuss it
with your healthcare provider. You will need to ask for individual
advice and to rule out any complications. Most healthcare providers
agree sex can be a part of a normal, low-risk pregnancy.
My husband and I are afraid that having intercourse might harm the baby. What can we do?
Take your partner with you to a
prenatal visit, and ask your healthcare provider this question. Most
couples can have normal sexual relations during pregnancy without risk.
Some conditions are exceptions, such as an incompetent cervix.
Sex doesn’t just mean sexual
intercourse. There are many ways for couples to be sensual together,
including giving each other a massage, bathing together and talking
about sex. Whatever you do, be honest with your partner about how
you’re feeling—and keep a sense of humor!
Can Sex during Pregnancy Hurt the Baby?
Sexual activity doesn’t harm a growing
baby. Neither intercourse nor orgasm should be a problem if you have a
low-risk pregnancy.
The baby is well protected by the
amniotic sac and amniotic fluid. Uterine muscles are strong, and they
also protect the baby. A thick mucus plug seals the cervix, which helps
protect against infection. Discuss sexual activity with your healthcare
provider, especially if your partner goes with you to your
appointments. If he doesn’t, assure him there should be no problems if
your healthcare provider gives you the go-ahead.
Frequent sexual activity should
not be harmful to a healthy pregnancy. Usually a couple can continue
the level of sexual activity they are used to. If you are concerned,
discuss it at an office visit.
How Pregnancy Affects You Sexually
Generally, women experience one of two
sex-drive patterns during pregnancy. One is a lessening of desire in
the first and third trimesters, with an increase in the second trimester. The second is a gradual decrease in desire as pregnancy progresses.
During the first trimester, you may
experience fatigue and nausea. During the third trimester, your weight
gain, enlarging abdomen, tender breasts and other problems may make you
less desirous of sex. This is normal. Tell your partner how you feel,
and try to work out a solution that is satisfactory to both of you.
Pregnancy actually enhances the sex drive
for some women. In some cases, a pregnant woman may experience orgasms
or multiple orgasms for the first time. This is due to heightened
hormonal activity and increased blood flow to the pelvic area.
Some women feel less attractive during
pregnancy because of their size and body changes. Discuss your feelings
with your partner. Tenderness and understanding can help you both.
You may find new positions for
lovemaking are necessary as pregnancy progresses. Your abdomen may make
some positions more uncomfortable than others. In addition, experts
advise you not to lie flat on your back (for sex or anything else)
after 16 weeks of pregnancy until baby’s birth because the weight of
the uterus restricts blood flow to the fetus. You might try lying on
your side or use a position that puts you on top.
