It has never happened that the news on
accidents, murder, robbery, rape ... appear on the press as much as recent
years.
Picking up, over protecting make bad effect
on independence of children as they think that there will always be somebody to
support and do everything for them. Instead of acting to achieve what they
want, the children will be lazy, always ask for help even in the smallest thing.
Many
parents choose prohibition as a way to protect their children.
Parents make decisions basing on fear
It has never happened that the news on
accidents, murder, robbery, rape ... appear on the press as much as recent
years. Perhaps talking about the fear may get more attention than talking about
the beauty, good things in life.
Since giving birth to baby, parents have
been always feeling that their children are small, fragile entity, need to be
protected.
Complex modern society, many pitfalls, the
development of Internet with both good and bad side, information about the
social evils... makes anxiety, insecurity stronger.
It makes many parents behave, make
decisions basing on fear.
It cannot conclude that Vietnamese parents
encircle their children too much, making them not independent if only basing on
the daily picking up.
The children themselves going out, going to
school are just the signs of independence rather than the ultimate goal, the
result of independence.
The
children themselves going out, going to school are just the signs of
independence rather than the ultimate goal, the result of independence.
Even so, parents should also ask
themselves, not only in picking up children but also in many other decisions:
Do their behaviors with children base on anxiety?
Some mothers do not allow their children to
play with friends because of fearing they are bad people, not allow them go out
with fear of not being unable to control the children’s action, or do not let
them be close to friends for fear that the children will turn their back to family.
When parents make decisions basing on fear,
worry instead of basing on their interest, belief in children's ability, it
would create an imposition, strain on the relationship.
The anxiety of parents is also an essential
thing to help children recognize risky, unsafe aspects of life.
However, if this fear does not come along
with the belief that "children will adapt to it," “they will
overcome", "they have the ability to protect themselves ", it
will make the child dare to to do anything, dare not go anywhere, become shy
and passive in life.
Give them more freedom and teach them how to protect
themselves
"Some time ago, there was a
school-year-end dinner party for the entire school, where students can dress
nice, dance with friends. I asked a 10th grade girl "Do you go?" She
replied, "It depends on whether my parents are happy or not."
Obviously she could not make a simple
decision, though it was an activity for all students, she was free that day,
she had beautiful dress and she knew that would be happy. Instead of making
decision herself, planning a simple task in her life, everything depended on
something that she could not control.
The
children themselves want to be independent.
The story makes me understand deeply one
thing: In addition to orientation, companion, protection
of children, parents should give them a little freedom, create some moments of
privacy, and let them decide their own life in the limit possible instead of prohibiting
and encircling them like a princess.
Besides ensuring the safety of the girls, the
opinion that "girls should not play, spend the night at friend’s
house" also reflects the gender concept ingrained in Asian culture.
"Girls are not allowed to... Boys are
ok" is the familiar saying that many girls still have to accept reluctantly
when they were little. Many of them desire to be the boy, thinking that they
will have freedom, do whatever they want.
Instead of seeing your daughter as an
independent individual, help her be aware of limits, know how to protect
herself from the risks, situations, some parents will choose the easiest way –
prohibiting.
Let the daughter join in martial arts class,
learn the defensive measures, discuss about dangerous situation and behavior
... just help her to avoid risks, enhance self-confidence, independence,
discover the life freely, become a modern woman, and promote the potential of
herself without limits of gender stereotypes.
In foreign countries, female students are
equipped with the products help protect themselves in case of necessity. Fathers
often give their daughters electrical item, tear gas prayer... and guide them
to use before going out.
They also learn self-defense in schools,
receive instruction and practice defensive moves. Obviously, in any country in
modern society, the awareness of safety and how to protect yourself is vital.
Since young children, parents should talk to
children about safety issues. For children in kindergarten, parents should
instruct them not to follow, to go out with strangers, not to accept gifts from
strangers without the agreement from their parents, do not let anyone touch the
genital organ of them , if someone does or hit them, they need to talk with
parents ...
When children grow up, parents can read and
exchange information with them about social evils, rape, kidnapping ...on the
press, tell them the situation, how to avoid and protect themselves. Avoid
using that information to threaten, intimidate the children, which makes them be
afraid without knowing how to avoid and behave.
If the distance from home to school is short and
the transport is not too complicated, parents can practice with their children
to adapt to road and traffic.
Even when parents pick up, children still have
freedom to make decision, plan on where they are going, joining in what kind of
activity, aware of dangers and how to avoid them ... then they still have
necessary freedom and independence to develop.
