... Full or empty? If you always
choose the latter, you could be short-changing your health. We reveal how to
master your mind for a total life upgrade
If you’re a glass-half-empty kind of girl,
you probably brush off the positive thinking philosophy as well, putting
misfortunes down to lousy timing, poor decisions or old-fashioned bad luck. But
astounding new research claims that those with a positive outlook on life are
not only more likely to live a fuller, happier life, chances are they’ll live a
longer one, too.
The study published in the journal Aging
claims that happy people tend to live longer and those who rack up 100-plus
years have the sunniest dispositions of all. A previous study from the Mayo
Clinic indicated that positive thinking could help to cut your risk of an early
death by around 50 percent, while findings from Carnegie Mellon University
showed that positive people are more likely to be healthier.
If
you’re a glass-half-empty kind of girl, you probably brush off the positive
thinking philosophy as well
But it’s not just in fighting off sickness
and old age that positivity can make its mark, it can also help you achieve
your life goals. ‘Positive thought is incredibly powerful,’ says therapist
Marisa Peer (marisapeer.com). ‘Positive thoughts can overcome adversity,
illness and take you right to the top, because what you think, you tend to
believe.’
Mind your language
To start thinking on the bright side,
examine your inner dialogue. ‘What we say to ourselves has an amazing impact on
how we feel and what we do,’ says Julie Hurst, a psychotherapist,
hypnotherapist and life coach (worklifebalancecenter.org). ‘Calling yourself
names - “I’m so stupid for doing that”; “I was an idiot then”; “I’m such a
loser”; “I’m just fat” - is destructive. We would never speak to our friends
that way, so why is it acceptable when speaking to yourself?’
This kind of self-sabotage can ebb away at
your confidence and derail your goals. ‘Negative thoughts can really stop you
in your tracks,’ says Dr. Catherine Hood, a women’s health specialist from the
Simply health Advisory Research Panel (sharppanel.co.uk). ‘If you feel under
confident about your own abilities or feel unmotivated then it’s easier to
avoid a difficult situation than it is to face it.’
‘What
we say to ourselves has an amazing impact on how we feel and what we do.’
Take that new diet plan that you’ve been
trying to stick to - if you could only curb your chocolate addiction. ‘If you
think you’ll never be able to lose weight then why bother going through the
difficult first few days of a diet?’ says Dr. Hood. ‘If you tell yourself you
can do it, and that this is your choice to improve your life, it’s a lot easier
to stick to your guns rather than give into temptation.’
To further improve your willpower, Dr. Hood
suggests swapping pessimistic phrases such as, ‘I can’t have that piece of
chocolate’ for authoritative phrases like, ‘I don’t want to have that piece of
chocolate.’ “Can’t”, “shouldn’t” and “not allowed” imply that some external
power is forbidding you from behaving in a particular way,’ explains Dr. Hood.
‘The reality is that only you can change your life. If you want the chocolate
then you can have it, but think of the reasons you want to lose weight. Making
positive choices will help to boost your willpower.’
Manage your goals
Sometimes, however, a goal seems so
insurmountable that you can’t help giving in to that niggling feeling that it
will never happen, like that big promotion you’ve been angling for. But instead
of telling yourself that it’s out of reach, break your goal down into a few
more achievable steps.
‘“Never” is a horrible word as it takes
away all hope. It implies that you won’t succeed no matter how hard you try, so
why bother. And it’s also often untrue,’ says Dr. Hood. ‘It’s important the
goals you set are realistic. If you set the bar too high then you won’t achieve
it and all you’ll feel is a sense of failure. Setting realistic goals can be
really motivating, particularly if you give yourself praise for achieving
them.’
But
instead of telling yourself that it’s out of reach, break your goal down into a
few more achievable steps.
It’s a strategy that is working for Jenny
Diamond, 30, an auditor from Belfast, who is currently vying fora promotion. ‘I
kept telling myself that I’ll never get promoted because there is too much
competition and too few opportunities,’ says Jenny. ‘But instead of just giving
up, I thought about what might increase my chances of career development. I
volunteered for a challenging work project that made me stand out from the
crowd and allowed me to network with some people beyond my immediate work
stream. Now there’s a new promotion board coming up and I’m feeling more
confident as I know I have plenty of examples of my competence to draw on in
the interview.’
Of course, none of us are completely immune
to moments of self-doubt, and it’s perfectly normal to have a confidence wobble
every now and then just as long as you don’t let those moments of negativity
control you. The trick is to ignore your negative thoughts and act on your
positive thoughts. Easier said than done, right?
The
trick is to ignore your negative thoughts and act on your positive thoughts.
Not necessarily, according to Phil Parker,
a hypnotherapist and NLP practitioner and author of The 10 Questions to Ask for
Success ($17, Hay House). He suggests making your positive thoughts more
tangible by putting them on paper. ’Make a list of the things you want, and
make sure the wording is positive,’ Phil says. If your goal is to improve your
love life, for example, write ‘lam loveable’ not, ‘I don’t want to be alone’.
‘Visualize those goals coming your way and start making an action plan for how
you are going to get those things,’ Phil adds. ‘Finally, take the first step of
your action plan.’ This could be as simple as agreeing to let a friend set you
up on a blind date.
Train your brain
Unfortunately, some negative thoughts can
be trickier to control than others - especially when they fool the brain into
perceiving imaginary problems. You know that hot guy you were afraid to talk to
in case you stammered and blushed? That was negative thinking letting your
imagination run wild. What about the time you refused to speak up in a meeting
in case your idea got laughed out of the room? Again, negative thinking was at
play. Steve Tromans, founder of Just be Well (justbewell.com), has a few
pointers to help you win the war against negativity. ‘Close your eyes and think
ahead to a place where typically you would be engaged in negative thought
patterns,’ he says. It might be imagining your ideas being scoffed at in a
meeting. ‘Imagine you are looking at a tiny you in a tiny, distant situation.
Visually distancing the thought tends to diminish the emotion attached to it.
You are giving yourself a sense of perspective here, literally.’
Train
your brain
Next, suggests Steve, rewrite the scenario
in your mind. Picture yourself again, only this time, your bosses are nodding
in agreement at your ideas. ‘See yourself engaging in the new behavior, radiant
and happy. Then finally step into the thought and imagine it.’ It’s also
important to ease up on yourself when you do let inner doubts creep in. ‘We all
think silly things from time to time. Learn to let go,’ says Steve. ‘Talk to
yourself more kindly and supportively; breathe, and smile at your reflection. There
is always a way out of a negative thought pattern.’
