Get happier smarter fitter richer… ‘What’s
the best way to change your life?’
Whatever your goal, a new breed of
psychologists now believe that actions are the most powerful way to instantly
change how you think and feel. So is it time to ditch the visualization and
positive thinking?
Get
happier smarter fitter richer
For decades we’ve been trying to think our
way to a new, improved self. With visualization and positive thinking
dominating the self-help manuals, we were told that if we could only master our
minds, we’d become simmer, happier, wealthier and more confident. To achieve
it, you merely had to think or desire it enough. Simple…except that, for most
people, it has utterly failed to work.
Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP)
encouraged us to think ourselves thin or rich, and the blockbuster book The
Secret (Simon & Schuster) urged us to harness the ‘laws of attraction’ –
focusing on positive thoughts to attract positive things into our life. The
books kept coming and we still kept wrestling with our negative thoughts. Yet,
for many, all this thinking hasn’t got rid of the unwanted flab or got them a
fantastic job offer.
But now a new generation of psychological research
is suggesting this approach hasn’t worked-and indeed will never work-because
it’s fundamentally flawed. It may even do us more harm than good – sending us
deeper into gloom as we fail to achieve the wonderful life we’ve visualized for
ourselves, with its five-star spa breaks, super-toned body, youthful appearance
and infinite confidence.
Psychologist Professor Richard Wiseman has
brought together the latest research that questions such positive thinking in
his new book Rip It Up (McMillan), which boldly claims to be delivering the
‘radical new insight’ that actions are the quickest, easiest and most powerful
way to change how you think and feel.
“Fake
a smile and eventually you will come to feel happier’
Be the change you want
‘We’ve been spending far too much time
thinking about changing our lives rather than actually changing them’, he says.
‘Most self-help books encourage you think differently: to think yourself thin,
imagine a richer self or to visualize the perfect you. This is difficult, time-consuming
and often doesn’t work.’
Instead, Wiseman is spearheading a call for
action that will bring the changes we desire much faster and more easily. He
calls it the ‘As if’ approach, and suggests we should simply act ‘as if’ we
have already achieved the behavior change – talking, moving our body and
behaving like the change was complete. This, in turn, will bring about the
desired change.
So, says his theory, fake a smile and
eventually you will come to feel happier, walk tall to feel more confident, talk
happy to make yourself feel better and behave as if you are in love to ignite
the flame of passion.
‘The “As if” principle is not just about
forcing your face into a smile, but applies to almost every aspect of your
everyday behavior, including the way that you walk and the words that you say,’
says Wiseman.
‘Most people report that just a few seconds
of changing their facial expression, for example into a smile, has a big impact
on how they feel,’ he adds.
Just do it
Psychologist professor Ben Fletcher, author
of Flex (University of Hertfordshire Press), also believes lasting change is
all about doing, rather than thinking. He has pioneered the radical ‘Do
Something Different’ approach, which suggests it’s our old web of firmly fixed
habits and behavioural patterns that leave us stuck on autopilot in a place we
don’t want to be – whether that’s overweight, smoking or lacking confidence.
Be
the change you want
Fletcher believes change can come when we
make our behavior more flexible – simply doing something different to usual,
disrupting the brain’s autopilot by throwing in an unexpected action.
‘It sound simple, but to change behaviour
you have to change behaviour’, he says. ‘Most approaches focus on thinking, but
this is fundamentally flawed, since conscious processes are not responsible
for, or even connected to, the vast majority of our behaviours. This has been
proven time and time again by psychological and neuroscience research.’
‘People cannot just thinking themselves
happier or more confident unless this is based on changing the underlying
behaviours responsible. You have to do something different, not just think
something different, to get something different.’
But if positive thinking is so ineffective
in promoting change, just why is it so popular? Wiseman suggests it’s because
logically it seems as if it should work. It’s counter-intuitive that taking
action first will trigger the emotion – for example that tensing your muscles
will boost your willpower. It’s a strange ideal, but it works.
A study by Paul Ekman from the University
of California found that behaving as if you are experiencing an emotion does
not just influence how you feel, but also has a direct and powerful effect on
your body. An experiment by Wiseman also found that participants who carried
out the smile exercise for a few seconds each day rated themselves as happier
than those who used some of the most popular ‘think yourself happy’ exercises,
such as reliving happy memories or keeping a gratitude journal.
‘Thinking seems to be the logical place to
start, but it is really tough to change. Studies show that if you feel bad
about yourself, it’s almost impossible to think yourself out of that,’ says
Wiseman.
First things first?
However, many self-help experts strongly
disagree that we should ditch visualization and positive thinking and simply
act ‘As if’.
NLP trainer Lindsey Agness insists she has
witnessed people make huge life changes through using visualization and
reframing their thoughts. ‘It’s all very well suggesting you need to act, but
you have to decide what your goal is first. You have to know where you want to
go, before you can take actions that move you towards it. The thinking comes
first, otherwise you find yourself taking random hit-and-miss actions,’ she
insists.
‘You
must know where you want to go, before you can take action’
Agness says it’s crucial to make sure your
‘head is in the right place first’ – then change will come. Although she
concedes that action is needed and you must take responsibility for making
changes.
‘If you feel lonely, you can imagine a
better, happier life – one that’s busy and more sociable. However, you’d need
to do more than just think about it. You’d need to take action and sign up for
that salsa class. But the journey starts with the thought process.’
A new study in the journal Psychological
Science supports her view that thinking positively can make change happen.
Scientists at Victoria University, New Zealand, showed psychological suggestion
can influence how people perform in tasks, which products they prefer and even
how they respond to medicines. ‘Once we anticipate a specific outcome will
occur, our subsequent thoughts and behaviours will help to bring that our come
to fruition,’ says the study.
So, if a normally shy person expects that a
glass of wine or two will help him loosen up at a cocktail party, he will
probably feel less inhibited, approach more people and get involved in more
conversations over the course of the party. Even though he may give credit to
the wine, it is clear that his expectations of how the wine would make him feel
played a major role.
There’s also persuasive evidence that
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), which focuses on overcoming negative
thinking to achieve behaviour change, such as improving self-esteem or treating
eating disorders, is effective. It’s widely used within the NHS, and a clinical
study at Warwick University found it was twice as effective in helping
back-pain as physiotherapy, acupuncture or osteopathy.
Fletcher agrees that CBT is effective, but
only because it isn’t just promoting ridding yourself of negative thoughts and
replacing them with positive ones. Instead, it incorporates real behaviour
change. ‘But the change agents are the new behaviours, not the new thinking, so
it works,’ says Fletcher.
But whatever the new arguments and
theories, the positive-thinking brigade will continue to urge you to think
happy thoughts. If it works for you, then keep doing it. But if, like many
people, you just can’t become master of your own thoughts, it might be time to
start acting. In the end, you have nothing to lose from smiling at yourself in
the mirror and walking tall.
9 actions that can change your life!
1. Get happy in an instant
Looking in a mirror, relax your forehead
and cheek muscles, and let your mouth open slightly. Contract the muscles near
the corner of your mouth by drawing them back towards your ears – make this
‘smile’ as wide as possible. Extend your eyebrow muscles upward and hold
expression for 20 seconds.
2. Walk your way to a feeling of contended confidence
Take long strides, swing your arms and hold
your head up high, rather than taking short strides, shuffling and watching
your feet.
Walk
your way to a feeling of contended confidence
3. Make a better impression
A smooth handshake makes a positive
impression, shows research by Sabine Koch from the University of Heidelberg,
Germany. Shake with a slow, flowing motion rather than jerky movements.
4. Talk happy
Write down a paragraph that gives a
positive spin on events. Speak it out loud as if talking on the phone to a
friend – make your words sound natural and enthusiastic. For example, ‘I feel
surprisingly good about myself today’ or ‘I feel especially efficient.’
5. Laugh out loud
Chuckle away to yourself several times a
day, even without the stimulus of a joke
6. Break the habit web
Do something different to get something
different. Break old, unwanted behavior patterns by adding in new, unexpected
action into your daily life. For example sit somewhere different for a whole
day; leave your watch behind; if you’re usually spontaneous, plan your day
meticulously or vice versa. See dsd.me for more inspiration.
7. Push away unhealthy food
Physically pushing something away makes you
like it less and pulling it towards you makes you feel more positively towards
it. Next time you’re confronted with unhealthy, sugary or fatty snacks push
away the plate and feel the temptation fade.
8. Move your monitor to boost motivation
Move your computer monitor to a position
where you have to sit up straight. A study by Texas University showed it make
you work harder and persevere longer.
9. Boost willpower by tensing your muscles
A study from the University of Singapore
showed tightening muscles, for example by making your hand into a fist or
holding a pen tightly, increase self-control.
