Managing anger can improve your
relationships – and your health.
Can
you control your anger?
I feel the anger building up inside me. I’m in a hurry to get home but the cashier at my local
supermarket has a decidedly snotty attitude and is operating isn’t worth the
time – consuming “Call your manager” speech, so I gulp down the “grrr” and try
to move on. As I climb into my car, I realize my jaw is clenched, my shoulders
are tense and my heart is beating faster.
Conflict raises blood pressure and studies
confirm that holding onto aggression interferes with your health. For example,
a 2002 report in Health Psychology linked long-term hostility with heart
disease. Experts say anger shouldn’t be ignored or avoided. When we get to know
our anger – what causes it, how we react – and then learn to manage it, it
helps us to know ourselves better and improve our relationships.
“Spend time learning and then using steps
that will help you control your anger,” advises Cape Town-based psychologist Dr
Janne Dannerup (jmdpsych.com). Use these tips to keep a cool head:
1. See anger as a stop sign
Take
time to cool off and walk away
We may experience anger as a light to act
immediately. But the faster your heart is racing, the slower your mind works.
“Take time to cool off. Walk away. Breath slower and deeper for 10 minutes.
Focus on being positive to help switch back your emotions,” says Bloemfontein therapist
Marié Sonnekus (happyfamilytherapy.co.za)
2. Change your P.O.V
Think before you speak and look at the
other person’s point of view. “So if you assume a shop assistant is acting
negatively towards you rather than being irritable because of her work hours,
you’ll take it personally and act out in anger,” says Dannerup. Ask yourself:
what’s eating you? What do you want? What do they want? This will help you
understand what you’re feeling and defuse.
3. Have it out
Learn
to let anger out at the right time; to the right person, for the right reason
According to an article by Joburg clinical
psychologist Colinda Linde, people are “trained” by society to keep anger in.
They then tend to develop illness, like ulcers and depression, or have
explosive out-bursts of anger. The solution: better out than in. “Learn to let
anger out at the right time; to the right person, for the right reason,” says
Linde. “Once you’ve reflected on the situation, try talking about it to the
person responsible.”
4. Analyse this
“Mentally replaying the transgression will
intensify your outrage and sap you of energy,” says Dr Sonja Lyubomirsky, an
anger-study researcher at the University of California (US). She suggests
writing down what happened and how you felt. “This forces you to be more objective
and label your emotions. Getting into the analytical mode makes the incident
less personal and lets you understand the reasons behind it so you can let it
go”
