Pssst! Gossip Can Do Good

Trash talk can destroy a career, tarnish a reputation, and sever the tightest bond. But it also has a less sinister even beneficial-side. Read in for the dish.

Thanks to tabloids, twitter, and TMZ, gossip has a nasty reputation. The truth of the matter: It’s actually one of the most important ways we interact within our social and professional networks, says Jack Levin, Ph.D., a professor of sociology and criminology at Northeastern University and coauthor or Gossip: The inside Scoop. And with the exception of super-malilious rumormongering, sharing and receiving intel can offer a real boon to your emotional and physical well-being.

In fact, gossip can give you a mental edge: It’ll up your odds of connection with others, lift your mood, and reduce stress, says a University of Michigan study as long as you speak strategically, not mindlessly. Here, the golden rules, straight from the sources. Feel free to pass them on.

Take Small Bites

As with facebook profiles and first dates, you don’t want to reveal too much. “ A nugget of gossip can go a long way,” says Ben Dattner, Ph.D., an organizational psychologist in New York city and author of The Blame Game. For example, if you’re tempted to go off about your boss, it may be smart to leak a small detail about her to a trusted ally in order to prevent yourself from boiling over and talking major smack to anyone who’ll listen. A tidbit like her weird lunch habits is fair game, but never disclose extremely personal information, such as the fact that she had lipo or that she’s headed for divorce court.

Be the Beaer of Good News
Spreading positive, if somewhat private, news your BFF is pregnant or your coworker just snagged a big fat raise-show you’re connected and tapped into your social networks. (Another bonus: You do your pal a solid, because the word gets out without her feeling like a braggart.) Just make sure you’re not the only one who knows the goods before talking, says Dattner. You can say, “I’m so psyched for you! Is this classified info or can I toot your horm?”

Leverage Your Credit

As long as the juice is about work and not about your coworker’s bad breath or botched haircut some office gossip can work in your favour. “Small talk is out social currency. Pass on  good, quality tip and you can expect to be paid back in some form or another,” says Joseph Epstein, author of Gossip. So if you hear  coworker is being transferred to Hong Kong go ahead and tell a few interested parties-they’ll likely return the favour later on, which could help you land a better opportunity. Clueing your boss in on some need  to know industry or staff rumblings could also help your standing with her, as she’ll appreciate the on –the-ground intel and view you as tuned in.

Compliment, Then Complain

Studies show that gossip is extraordinarily efficient at keeping group members in line-when done properly. If you want to give a friend a light kick in the pants, instead of venting to pals that she returned your dress stained or never paid back the money you lent her, share the news as a side dish to more upbeat info. Think “ Mary looked amazing in the pictures from Greg’s wedding! But hey, she still hasn’t paid me for her share of the gift.” Plus, you could prevent friends from committing the same social crimes: People are much less likely to misbehave if they think others will talk about them,  says Levin. Believe it or not, “ the threat of being ostracized is often better at monitoring behaviour than the criminal justice system,” he says.

Practice Selective Spilling

When you can’t hold it in-you’re human, after all choose your audience wisely. If you have to gab to someone about another woman, consider telling a guy. A study from Knox College found that people are more interested in gossip about same sex ( because it conveys useful information about their own experiences), so there’s a smaller chance he’ll spread it around. Gossiping about a dude? Talk to one of your gal pals. And be mindful of body language: Averted eyes, tight lips, and tensing up might be signs that your audience doesn’t want to hear it Put the brakes on your blabbing, find a more sympathetic ear, or, safest of all, leave the gossip unsaid.