11. Part III: Your Stress Vulnerability Factors
Unlike
stress triggers, stress vulnerabilities have to do with your personal
tendencies. Everyone’s stress triggers are different, but, in addition,
everyone’s personality and personal vulnerabilities to certain areas of
stress are also different. You and a friend might both have stressful
jobs, but you might be particularly sensitive to job stress, obsessing
over work to the point that your stress is much more than it should be.
Your friend may be better able to approach job stress in a healthy way.
You both might have two children, but your friend may be particularly
vulnerable to obsessive worrying about her children, while you feel more
in control of your dependent-related stress.
For
this section, each answer reveals different areas in which you are
particularly vulnerable to stress. Your vulnerabilities lie in the
following areas if you checked the noted answers.
12. Too Much Alone Time
An
extrovert is someone who may relish time alone but who feels drained of
energy after too much time away from other people. Extroverts require
plenty of social contact to keep their energy high. They work best in
groups and may find working alone virtually impossible because they
can’t get motivated. Personal relationships are extremely important to
extroverts, who often feel incomplete without a partner. Extroverts tend
to have lots of friends and to rely on their friends for energy,
support, and satisfaction.
Extroverts
often don’t know what they think until they say it. They often think
things through out loud. Friend therapy, journaling, group therapy,
meditation classes, exercise classes, and massage therapy are
particularly effective for extroverts.
13. Not Enough Alone Time
An
introvert is someone who may enjoy other people but who feels drained
of energy after too much social contact. Introverts require time alone
to recharge after spending time with people and find it difficult to
accomplish anything productive with lots of people around. Introverts
are good at working alone in a home office or at a remote location.
While introverts aren’t necessarily shy and can benefit immensely from
rewarding personal relationships, they also need time alone. Introverts
tend to think about what they say before they speak. Sometimes,
introverts can seem, and feel, distant. That may be a sign that it is
time for some alone time. In some cases, however, it may be a sign that
you are spending too much time alone. Seek balance!
14. The Caretaker Conundrum
One
area worrywarts tend to specialize in is worry about their dependents.
Learning to deal with the stress of caretaking means admitting, first,
that the stress is there, then taking measures to care for yourself as
well as for your dependents. It isn’t selfish. You can’t be a good
caretaker if you neglect your own physical, emotional, and mental
well-being. Self-care stress management in its many forms is
exceptionally important for caretakers, and that includes making room
for your own creativity and self-expression. Don’t be afraid to admit
the whole complex slew of feelings you have about your caretaking
responsibilities—intense love, anger, joy, resentment, appreciation,
sadness, irritation, and happiness.
15. Financial Pressure
Money is a
huge source of stress for many people and a common area of stress
vulnerability. Do you think that enough money really would solve all
your problems? Do you spend time every single day worrying about having
enough money for what you need or want? Do you obsess about where you
put your money, whether your money is working for you, how you might be
able to make money?
If money is an
area of vulnerability for you, focus on stress management techniques
that help you to take responsibility for your current financial
situation (if that’s the problem) and to regard finances in a whole-life
perspective.
Money really can’t buy happiness, but freedom from financial stress can certainly help push you in that direction!
16. Family Dynamics
Family is
another big area of stress for many people. Our families have an
intimate knowledge of who we are, or who we used to be, and that can be
stressful, especially if we’re trying to escape who we used to be.
Although
all families are stressful to some extent, for some people, families
are particularly taxing because of a dysfunctional aspect or because of
past events that are painful. If your family is an area of stress for
you, you may benefit by making amends or by deciding to move on. You may
be estranged from your family or fully in their clutches on a daily
basis. Either way, recognizing family stress is the first step to
managing it. You might consider techniques that bolster your people
skills or routines that strengthen the foundation of your own
self-esteem. Journaling and other creativity techniques can be highly
effective for dealing with family stress, and don’t forget friend
therapy.
17. Obsessive Worrying
Being
a worrywart is really just a bad habit (in some cases, a compulsion)
that is immensely stressful. Learning how to stop worrying can be an
empowering life skill that will change your daily existence more
dramatically than you ever imagined. Thought control and worry stopping
are great techniques to learn. Exercise also provides a great break from
worry, especially when it’s challenging. You can’t worry if your mind
is immersed in those yoga moves or that kickboxing routine. Most
importantly, focus on relearning how to worry effectively. Worry about
things you can change, as a means to figure out how to change them. If
you can’t change something, worrying about it is just a big waste of
time.
18. Need for Validation
Going
through life constantly on the lookout for how you appear to others can
obliterate the real you. Image obsession is stressful, and, even if a
certain amount of “cool” is important for your career or even your
personal satisfaction, keeping image in perspective is as important as
keeping any other aspect of your life in perspective.
Image
stress is a big problem for adolescents, but even adults can fall prey.
Look for stress management techniques that help you to get in touch
with the inner you. The better you know the you inside, the more superficial and uninteresting the outer you will become. Know yourself and, ironically, your image will improve anyway.
19. Lack of Self-Control, Motivation, Organization
You cause
yourself more stress than is necessary because you haven’t taken control
of your personal habits, thoughts, or life. No, you can’t control everything, and, if you try to control everything, you’ll
be vulnerable to control issues on the other side. However, to a large
extent, you can control what you do, how you react, and even how you
think and perceive the world.
We
can control our dietary habits, our exercise schedules, our impulse to
say unkind things, our road rage, our tendency to bite our fingernails
or chew on pencil erasers, or never put away our things when we are
finished using them. These are simply habits, and, if a habit is causing
you stress, then why not change it? Is breaking a habit difficult? Just
for a little while. Living with chronic stress is a lot more difficult.
Look for stress management techniques that help you to take control:
Get organized, get healthy, and be responsible.
20. Need to Control
You’ve
got control issues on the other side of the fence. You like to have
control because you really believe you know best, and you probably do
much of the time. We all want to be recognized for our accomplishments,
and one of your strengths is a healthy self-esteem. But like anything
else, self-esteem can be carried too far. Remember, seek balance! You
can benefit by stress management techniques that help you to go with the
flow. You don’t need to be told to “just do it.” You “just do it” all
the time, unlike the rest of those slackers! The trick for you is to
“just let it be.”
21. Your Job/Career
If
your job is an area of stress for you, concentrate on practicing stress
management techniques that work in the office (even if it’s a home
office) and those that target the kind of stress you are likely to
encounter on the job. In addition, make a special commitment to keep
sacred your prework preparation time and your postwork decompression
time. Spend fifteen to thirty minutes before and after work each day
practicing the stress-relieving technique of your choice to create a
cushion around your workday.
22. Low Self-Esteem
While you
may handle work stress with aplomb, you become vulnerable to attacks on
your self-esteem. Maybe a comment about your weight or age throws you
into a tailspin. Maybe you see yourself in a shop window while walking
down the street and the negative impression you get deflates your
confidence for the rest of the day.
Self-esteem
isn’t just about appearance. If you believe someone is questioning your
competency, do you become unreasonably defensive or suddenly insecure?
Many stress management techniques focus on bolstering self-esteem. The
most important thing to remember is that self-esteem, just like your
body, requires maintenance. Seek out sources for affirmations and
positive self-talk to keep feeling good about yourself. Assertiveness
training may help you to put less stock in the careless comments of
others.
