I had a dream the other night in which I
found myself in the house where I grew up: a very modest bungalow in a
neighborhood where most of the wage-earners worked in an automobile factory. I
was born and raised in Detroit.
Shortly before my family moved most of that
home, someone broke in one night by smashing through the back door. After that,
I was always sure to keep the door locked. But in my recent dream I went down
the short stairway from the kitchen to the basement and found the back door
halfway open. I shut it quickly and turned the lock and looked around for signs
of an intruder. Later, I learned that a young man was interested in my wife and
had used the back door to visit her. The dream went on to another scene about
bees invading a later, bigger house that we had built on a hill. I woke up
thinking about a Lucas Cranach painting of Eros standing next to tall Venus,
bees buzzing around his infant head.
I
went down the short stairway from the kitchen to the basement and found the back
door halfway open.
In my practice of therapy, I devote a great
deal of time to dreams. They are like X-ray machines showing me what is going
on beneath the surface of a life. For years, I’ve noticed this small motif of
the door ajar and have thought of it as a key image in the mysterious working
out of my psyche.
I’ve
noticed this small motif of the door ajar and have thought of it as a key image
in the mysterious working out of my psyche.
Like all dream images, the door ajar can
mean many things and will be focused to some extent on the dreamer’s life. But
I have always kept in mind Emily Dickinson’s iambic lines: “The Soul should
always stand ajar/ That if the Heaven Inquire/ He will not be obliged to wait.”
In other words, we should have an opening
in our mind and heart for inspiration or instruction.
The first door-ajar dream I remember was
from a woman who didn’t want to hear that it was time to move on in her life
and end some key relationships. She kept the door tightly closed and in her
dream was terrified when she saw in open – she was sure she had locked it.
Many people say they are looking for new
ideas, inspiration, and a new life, but their doors are closed. They want the
new life on their own terms and are unwilling to listen to what “the heaven”
may recommend. They want the reward, but they’re not comfortable having any gap
in their defenses or being open to the appearance of something new.
Many
people say they are looking for new ideas, inspiration, and a new life, but
their doors are closed.
I think it’s useful to get over the fear of
having your door ajar. In a daily basis, you can practice at having your door
at least partially open. Get accustomed to asking a friend, “What do you
think?” you’ve opened the door a crack. When deciding where to go or what to do
with someone, wait for that person to make a suggestion and be willing to
follow. When your tastes or fears or need to control come into play, hold them
back, relax, and try something new. These are all exercises in keeping your
door ajar.
For inspiration, read Dickinson’s poem in
full, better, memorize it. Use it as an aid to living by inspiration and
intuition, rather than by logic and habit. Eventually, you may be able to make
your important life decisions with an open door.
Eventually,
you may be able to make your important life decisions with an open door.
Find a painting of a door ajar. Paint one.
Photograph one artistically, frame it, and keep it in sight. Sit in a room and
close the door. Feel what it’s like to be sealed in. Then open it a crack.
Sense the difference. Read or recite the poem in the room. Dreams of doors left
open reveal a secret about life: we closed up in self-protection, fearful about
what or who may come in. but there is no need to dear. The person or wind
waiting to come through is almost always benign, even though we fear it. That
narrow opening is the way to new life, and nothing is more important than being
open to fresh vitality. Either you live or you die. There is no in-between. A
closed door is like a lid on a coffin.
Find
a painting of a door ajar.
Maybe it’s not good to be too open and let
everything in and everything out. I always encourage my clients in therapy to
keep some things to themselves. Ajar is fine. Wide open isn’t advised; as long
as you don’t keep “the heaven” waiting, you’re all right. Even so, that might
be worse than having an intruder take something from you. Missing a chance at
life is something you may not survive.
