…but our boss is
oblivious, and I’m worried it looks like I’m no good at my job. We’re a small
team and my colleague is very popular – even the boss loves her – but she’s
subtle and tactical, claiming my work as hers in meetings where I’m too gob
smacked to say anything. When it happens, I don’t want to appear petty in front
of everyone, but then I’ll be hauled into our boss’s office for something “we”
haven’t done right, while she gets away with murder. Last week, I drove for two
and a half hours to an appointment she was responsible for setting up, only to
be turned away because she hadn’t booked it, but our boss just laughed it off.
What can I do?”
Fiona, 32, by
email
EMMASAYS: “You have a right to be respected, so
challenge her when she shows you up.”
Maybe you could
start buying her lunch and cleaning her car, too? It sound harsh, but you’re
letting her walk all over you without so much as a whimper of complaint. You
have a right to be respected and valued, so challenge her when she takes credit
for your ideas; it will lead to a far better work environment for you. Every
office has a “sniper”, those sly, manipulative people who make it their
business to get ahead – whatever it takes. Bringing that behaviour to the
surface for everyone to see is essential, for the sake of your career – and
your sanity!
I wonder,
however, if you feel a bit jealous of her “teacher’s pet” status? Don’t sweat
it, instead be genuine, friendly and helpful and you’ll forge strong relationships
of your own, based on honesty. Also, remember, snipers often appear to have
lots of friends because people are afraid of their apparent invincibility –
it’s safer to just get along with them.
From now on,
tell or email your ideas to your boss directly, so, should the sniper try to
pass them off as her own, you can calmly refer to the fact it was your idea,
and she’ll be less likely to target you again. And check appointments and
confirm them with her in writing over email, so you have evidence in case you
need to make a more formal complaint against her in future.
Sadly,
playground behaviour continues long after school, but by standing up to your
office bully, you’ll allow your work to shine, and she’ll be forced to change
her behaviour, so everyone will benefit.
Remember that
confident people are treated more positively, so work on becoming more
assertive, and not allowing her the power to make you miserable. Good luck!
Stuck in a love rut?
In the wake of
the Heidi Klum/Seal split, Emma offers advice for others feeling the
“seven-year itch”…
“Many couples
drift apart after a few years, when the lust that once underpinned their relationship
is replaced by reality and responsibilities. It’s natural to feel a bit bored,
bicker and even feel less attracted to your partner from time to time. Keep
perspective, though – you took years to build your relationship, so devote time
to nurturing it, too. Working through issues is the true mark of a successful
couple so, if it’s getting really tough, give relationship therapy a go. Even
if you decide to separate, it’ll help you do so in the most amicable way.”
