7. Involving Your Children
Being pregnant when you already have
children may raise some concerns for you. You’ll probably feel anxious
about how the new baby will affect your older children and your
relationships with them.
Explain to children,
in simple terms, how pregnancy affects your body. Try to help your
children understand any problems you may experience, such as morning
sickness. If you’re too tired to do some regular activities with your
children, let them know it’s because of how you’re feeling, not because
of them. Reassure them that as soon as you feel better, you will do as
much as possible with them.
Kate didn’t know how much to tell her
kids about her pregnancy or how to explain things about it. She took
Allison and Sam with her to the library to look for books in the
children’s section. She was amazed at how many excellent books were
available, many with tasteful pictures and simple explanations. They
took books home and spent time together going through them and talking
about the new baby.
Let your children help prepare for the
new baby. Older children might help choose the baby’s name or decorate
the nursery. A picture drawn by a big brother or sister adds color to
the baby’s room and can make an older child feel important.
Delay telling very young children about
the baby until they can see for themselves it is growing inside you.
Even then, it may be better to wait until close to the baby’s birth to
tell a very young child (under 3). Time passes much more slowly for
young children, and a few weeks can seem like forever. If possible, use
a familiar reference point for the birth, such as Thanksgiving or when
school gets out.
Ask your healthcare provider if it’s all
right to bring one child with you to a prenatal visit so the child can
listen to baby’s heartbeat. Or take your child to the hospital nursery
to see the new babies. Many hospitals offer preparation classes for
siblings; choose one suited to your child’s age.
When your child asks questions, keep
answers simple. For example, if your young child wants to know how the
baby eats while it’s growing inside you, an explanation such as “the
baby gets its food from Mommy” will probably suffice. To your young
child, your pregnancy isn’t very important.
You may need to provide older children
with more information. Answer their questions honestly, but even with
older kids, don’t provide more information than they need. Most
important, give them extra love and attention during this time, and
plan time alone together with each of them after the baby is born.
Let your children know in advance who
will be caring for them when you are in the hospital. If possible,
include them in making this decision. If you can, allow them to stay at
home, where things are familiar. This is a time of great upheaval for
your children—make it as easy as possible on them.
8. Making Changes in Your Child’s Life
Encourage your child’s independence
from you. Let your partner take over part of your regular childcare
duties so they can spend time together without you. It’ll help when you
go to the hospital or are busy after the baby is born.
If you must make changes in your child’s routine, such as putting her in a new room or taking away his crib, do it before
baby comes. If the change occurs near the time of the baby’s birth,
your older child may feel displaced. Wait awhile to give your older
child’s toys, clothes or bottles to the new baby, or it could cause
resentment.
Time-Saving, Energy-Saving Tip
If you have older children, now’s the
time to begin giving them additional responsibilities. You’ll be glad
you did when they can do some things for themselves, allowing you free
time to rest or to care for the new baby. For example, a preteen child
can begin doing his own laundry. A younger child can learn to sort her
clothes and strip her bed.
Don’t try to make life easier on yourself
by pushing toilet training or making your child give up the bottle. It
can cause more problems than it resolves. Encourage your child toward
independence in small steps at the appropriate times.
9. When You’re Expecting More Than One Baby
As an older woman, you may be more
likely to have twins. For older children, welcoming one baby into the
family is hard enough; making room for two or more babies can be that
much more difficult. Make sure the older child has her own familiar
place and keeps her own things. Reassure him of your love frequently,
and give him plenty of attention.
If you’ll need help after the babies are
born, especially with childcare, have the helper start work before the
babies are born. Your older children can get to know the caregiver
beforehand, which provides a sense of continuity after the babies come
home.
Encourage your older child to express her
feelings about the upcoming birth of the babies. Let your child know
you understand why she might feel negative and help her find positive
ways to deal with her feelings.
Establish a regular, uninterrupted time
with your older child before the babies are born and continue it after
their birth. This might be storytime in the evening or preparing for
bed or bath time. These routines contribute to a child’s sense of
security. Tell your child this time is important to you and you will
continue it after the babies are born. Then make every effort to do so.
If you already have a child, the birth
of a new baby may greatly affect him or her, especially if your child
is a toddler. After baby’s arrival, you may find she acts out more or
has tantrums. Understand that your child is looking for comfort, and
this is the only way she can express her fears.
