We all experience down days, but could your body image
be affecting your relationship? Change how you feel about your body for your
sake and his
“You’ll go from
the fun girl he fell in love with to someone who’s forever complaining”
Always moaning about your muffin top? Desperate
to have a model’s body? Whatever your issues, often it’s your boyfriend
who has to bear the brunt of them. “If you constantly put yourself down in
front of him, it could damage your relationship,” says psychologist Suzanna Jobe. “You’ll go from the fun girl he fell in love with to
someone who’s forever complaining.” Here’s how you can ditch your body hang-ups
once and for all…
You say: “God, I’m so fat. Look at all this flab on
my stomach”
He thinks: “Wow, I’d never noticed her stomach before
she pointed it out.”
Change your thinking: “Put your thoughts into
perspective,” says Suzanna. “You may not like your stomach, for example, but
think about the other parts of your body you do like. You may have amazing
legs, eyes and hair. Focus on those parts, rather than highlighting the bits
you don’t like”
You say: “That girl over there is so much hotter than
me. Don’t you think so?
He thinks: “Now that you’ve pointed her out, I have
to agree she is hot – and she looks even hotter because she is confident and
happy with her body, whereas my girlfriend always sulks about the way she
looks.”
Change your thinking: “Stop comparing yourself to
others,” says Suzanna. “Understand that you’re one of a kind. If you’re
comfortable and confident in your own skin, you’ll appear more attractive to
other people. Develop your inner confidence by focusing on your strengths.”
You say: “Was your ex thinner than me? I bet she
was…”
He thinks: “What does it matter? I’m with you, not
her. Doesn’t she believe me when I tell her how hot she is? How many times do I
have to say it? She clearly doesn’t value my opinion”
Change your thinking: “Weight up all the evidence,”
advises Suzanna. “Think back to all the compliments you’ve received in the past
about your looks. You may see yourself in a certain way, whereas other people
may see you in a completely different light. As the saying goes, beauty is in
the eye of the beholder. Ask a close girlfriend to tell you all the things they
like about you – it may help to change the way you view yourself.”
You say: “I can’t go out tonight. Look and feel too
ugly”
He thinks: “Great, now your self-esteem issues are
stopping us from having a fun night out. I want to be with you but it’s hard work…”
Change your thinking: “The way you think affects the
way you feel,” explains Suzanna. “If you tell yourself, ‘I’m so fat; I’m so
ugly,’ chances are that’s the way you’ll feel. Change your internal dialogue
and your feelings will change too.” Don’t be so hard on yourself – go out and
have fun with your man!
His side of the
story…
Joe, 24, Edinburgh
“I’d been with Fiona for a year when she joined a
cheerleading squad. Until then, she couldn’t tell you how many calories were in
a Mars Bar. But she became obsessed with toning up, I said she was perfect, but
she didn’t listen. And as bad as it sounds, she became less attractive to me. I
eventually confronted her, saying that only I could appreciate her body fully
because only I saw it naked! Now we’re back to enjoying the odd takeaway – and
our relationship is back on track.”
Ed, 26, Manchester
“My girlfriend was very self-conscious, particularly about
the size of her A-cup boobs, I hadn’t ever seen her without a top on – she even
covered up during sex – but I didn’t want her to hide her body. It got to the
point where I wasn’t comfortable being with someone who wasn’t comfortable
around me. So we talked about it, and gradually she adopted a healthier
attitude towards her body. Now she believes me when I say her boobs are
absolutely great!”
