If you’re better at selling yourself
short than bigging yourself up, it’s time to work on inflating your ego for a
super career boost
So you’re overflowing with love for
yourself already? Congratulations. For the other 99 per cent of you, hear this:
according to researchers from the University of Nebraska-Lincoln College of
Business Administration, being full of yourself is key to climbing the career
ladder.
So
accepting your feelings, seeing them as harmless and normal and being unashamed
of them is often key to being confident
People with ‘noxious self-esteem’ are
apparently those most likely to get the same job you’ve applied for. ‘Women
tend to downplay their skills and talents,’ says cognitive-behavioral therapist
Donald Robertson (www.londoncognitive.com),
‘even when they know the portrayal isn’t accurate.’ Thankfully, there are
tricks you can use them in the workplace and in your social life. Here’s our
guide to getting into hotshot mode so you can ace your next interview,
presentation or party.
Destroy your internal critic
You know the game-you begin to talk and
that nasty internal monologue kicks in with commentary: ‘The interviewer thinks
you’re talking too much,’ or ‘She thinks you’re stupid,’ or ‘I can’t believe
you just said that’ Thankfully, there’s a way to gag that frenemy by distancing
yourself from her words. ‘Distancing techniques involve adopting a more
detached perspective on negative thoughts, so you can move on,’ says Donald.
‘Imagine those same words written on the carpet or on the piece of paper in
front of you. Decide what font and color the words are. It sounds odd, but it’s
an effective way to avoid negative thoughts that might impact your behavior.’
Love your inner wimp
It’s normal to try to overcome your nerves
by pretending they don’t exist, but have you noticed how that just makes things
worse? Ironically, the more you try to fight anxiety the more anxious you’re
likely to become,’ says Donald. ‘So accepting your feelings, seeing them as
harmless and normal and being unashamed of them is often key to being
confident.’ Keep this in mind for stressful social and networking events, too.
‘I’m quite shy,’ is actually a great way to start a conversation you’ll be
surprised by how many people respond with, ‘Me too!’
Talk
calm and confidently about your experience and skills and ask questions when an
opening arises
Nail that interview
Believing in yourself is key to bagging
your dream job, so before you head off to an interview, make sure you look and
feel the part. ‘Don’t go overboard, but look smart and professional and feel
good about your appearance,’ says Donald. Read over your CV on your commute to
help you focus on your key skills and greet your interviewer with a firm
handshake and a positive, can-do attitude. Once you’re in the meeting, talk
calm and confidently about your experience and skills and ask questions when an
opening arises. ‘Listen carefully to the interviewer’s responses,’ says Donald.
‘It’ll show you’re interested in what they have to say.’
Give yourself a job to do
You look at the interviewer and all you can
think is, ‘Have they noticed the nasty spot on my chin? Can they tell that my
armpits are dripping with sweat? Argh! But there is a simple way to avoid this
destructive thought process. ‘One way of tricking your brain into adopting a
more external focus of attention is to set yourself the task of describing your
interviewer’s appearance later,’ says Donald. ‘During the interview pay close
attention to their facial expressions and their clothing, as if you’re trying
to memorise all the small details to be recalled later on.’
Consider the worst
It’s tempting to try and push thoughts of
disaster far from your mind but, says Donald, that could actually backfire.
‘Imagining the worst case scenario and then “waiting it out” until your anxiety
subsides something that usually take 15 to 30 minutes will actually reduce your
anxiety levels over time,’ he says. ‘Start practicing about two weeks
beforehand, picturing what could do wrong on a daily basis. Over time not only
will your physical response be reduced, you’ll also have come up with reasons
why this situation is unlikely to ever occur.’
This can also work on your first date with
a hot new guy. Usually the worst that can happen is that you’ll never see him
again and if you arrive at the date thinking that, you’ll be more relaxed. Then
it’ll be a pleasant surprise when he does call.
Make this a practice session
Success at job interview doesn’t
necessarily mean getting the job you’ve achieved a lot if you’ve learned
something from it. ‘Be realistic. Remember you can only present yourself at
your best, then let go of what happens in terms of the final choice,’ says
Donald. ‘They may already have a candidate lined up, or someone else might just
be a better fit. So treat every interview as good practice along the way to
finding the best job for you.’
It’s also a good strategy for dealing with
quibbles with your partner. If you can figure out something you’ve learned
about each other each time you row, you’ll learn how to avoid the same
arguments in the future and also, importantly, how to move more quickly from arguing
to making up!
Accept imperfection
You want this job so badly, but in your
anxiousness to prove yourself, you come across as nervous. Time to accept that
you can’t control everything. ‘Accepting the fact that you may fail, and
letting go of the demand that you “must” get the job, can relieve the
pressure,’ says Donald. ‘People tend to overlook trivial mistakes in others’
speech or behavior if they’re interested in what they’re saying.’ This applies
to any sphere of life no one has a perfect partner, family, house, or career,
so don’t give yourself a hard time if yours isn’t ideal.
3 ways to stroke your ego
Boost your self-esteem with these quick
tricks
Reflect in your achievements Instead of focusing on where you’ve gone wrong, take the time to
enjoy your wins – from banking the perfect cake to acing a presentation.
Walk talk You won’t feel like a winner if you’re hunched over. Stand up tall
with your shoulders back and core engaged and enjoy the power of confident body
language.
Exercise to your favorite track Activity is a proven endorphin lifter and adding a motivating song
will boost that high
