You want others to listen to you
My mother was the librarian where I
attended college, and each time I entered the library, there would be a half a
dozen college girls around her desk. Mom gas always had an incredible counseling
ministry, not because she is such a great talker, but because she is a
tremendous listener. There’s a difference between hearing people and listening
to them. Listening is wanting to hear. Mom loves people and wants to hear from
them; people respond to that kind of caring.
Listening
is wanting to hear
As people gain more authority, they often
develop a lack of patience in listening to those under them. A deaf ear is the
first indication of a dosed mind. The higher people go in management and the
more authority they wield, the less they are forced to listen to others. Yet
their need to listen is greater than ever. The further they get from the firing
line, the more they have to depend on others for correct information. If they
haven’t formed the habit of listening – carefully and intelligently – they
aren’t going to get the facts they need, and people will present their
decisions.
I saw a television sketch that, with some
variations, might seem familiar in many households. A husband is watching television
and his wife is trying to engage him in conversation:
Wife: Dear, the plumber
didn’t come to fix the leak behind the water heater today.
Husband: Uh-huh
Wife: The pipe burst
today and flooded the basement.
Husband: Quiet. It’s
third down and goal to go.
Wife: Some of the wiring
got wet and almost electrocuted Fluffy.
Husband: Darn it!
Touchdown.
Wife: The vet says he’ll
better in a week.
Husband: Can you get me
a Coke?
Wife: The plumber told
me that he was happy that our pipe broke because now he can afford to go on
vacation.
Husband: Aren’t you
listening? I said I could use a Coke!
Wife: And Stanley, I’m
leaving you. The plumber and I are flying to Acapulco in the morning.
Husband: Can’t you
please stop all that yakking and get me a Coke? The trouble around here is that
nobody ever listens to me.
You want others to understand you
How do you feel when you’re misunderstood?
What kinds of feelings well up inside you? Loneliness? Frustration?
Disappointment? Resentment? Peter Drucker, often called the “Father of American
Management,” claims that 60 percent of all management problems are a result of
faulty communications. A leading marriage counselor says that at least half of
all divorces result from faulty communication between spouses. And criminologists
tell us that upwards of 90 percent of all criminals have difficulty
communicating with other people. Communication is fundamental to understanding.
How
do you feel when you’re misunderstood?
Relating recap
Let’s capsulize what we’ve covered in these
last few pages. You want others to
- Encourage you
- Appreciate you
- Forgive you
- Listen to you
- Understand you
As you think about these qualities,
consider how they apply to your own life. Perhaps this short course in human
relations can help each of us develop qualities that we admire in others:
The least important word:
[gets the least amount done]
The most important word:
We [gets the most amount
done] – relationships
The two most important words:
Thank you – appreciation
The three most important words:
All is forgiven –
forgiveness
The four most important words:
What is your opinion? –
listening
The five most important words:
You did a good job –
encouragement
The six most important words:
I want to know you better
– understanding
You
want others to understand you
In life, you are either going to see people
as your adversaries or as your assets. If they are adversaries, you will be
continually sparring with them, trying to defend your position. If you see
people as assets, you will help them see their potential, and you will become
allies in making the most of each other. The happiest day of your life will be
the day when “we” really is the most important word in the English language.
