“I feel like I’m running in circles. I have good intentions
to get things done, but by day’s end my list seems longer than when I started,”
confesses one mom. Sound familiar? When our moms were asked to describe their
current state of mind, they used terms like “pulled in all directions”, “hectic”,
“preoccupied”, and “too much to focus on”. The upside is that 58 percent say a
typical weekday is “busy but fun”. A few strategic maneuvers can help you keep
the busy in check and capitalize on the fun.
“I feel like I’m
running in circles. I have good intentions to get things done, but by day’s end
my list seems longer than when I started”
Identify the high-stress parts of your day. Figure out how
you can make those times more relaxed, suggests Ashley Stoffel, O.T.D.,
clinical assistant professor of occupational therapy at the University of
Illinois at Chicago. If mornings are chaotic no matter how much you plan, try
getting up 20 minutes earlier so that you have some quiet time to get organized
or even do some calming stretches. Or try writing out a step-by-step routine to
keep everyone on task.
Plan your to-dos – don’t simply put them on a list. “One of
our biggest stressors is the ticker tape of tasks that runs through our head”,
says Julie Morgenstern, author of Time Management from the Inside Out. To
tackle them, integrate them into a calendar or a planner that goes where you go
(not a calendar on the fridge). Write your usual to-do list, but then input two
or three tasks into each day’s schedule, along with how long they’ll take. Example:
Instead of scribbling “buy teacher gifts” on a Post-it, mark out an hour on
your schedule when you can tackle it, she suggests.
Set a timer. When you time your routine tasks, you learn how
long things really take. “We tend to think that something we dread, like doing
the dishes, takes an hour when it’s really more like seven minutes”, says
Morgenstern. Realizing this makes tasks feel more manageable-it’s easier to
sort through a pile of unopened mail when you tell yourself you’ll do it for
just 15 minutes.
Automate. “The primary job of parenting is not chores; it’s
being present for your family”, says Morgenstern. Put all of the jobs that nag
at you on autopilot: Make a list of ten rotating dinners that your family
likes, sign up for deliveries of diapers and household goods, assign a time for
chores: Put in a load of laundry first thing each morning, gas up the car every
Tuesday, etc.
58 percent of moms say it’s at least somewhat difficult to
relax.
Embrace the concept of “me time”
“I never have a free moment,” says one mom in our survey.
“It’s rare that I ever get to do something just for myself. That’s stress,
baby.” Explains another, “I feel like I don’t even have ten minutes for myself;
my older kids have after-school activities and my 5-year-old needs my time too
– and my husband is just like one of the kids sometimes. Everyone needs my
attention.”
“I never have a
free moment”
But here’s a radical thought: The obstacles to having more
free time may be self-imposed. Think about it – maybe the only reason why you
“can’t” meet a friend for coffee on a Saturday afternoon is because you haven’t
given yourself permission. A quarter of us even admit to lying to our own
family about our schedule just to get a little time on our own. Some of our
surveyed moms’ desperate stories are shown in blue at right. But it’s the ones
shown in green we can learn from – moms who have taken time for themselves and
are all the better for it.
Remember how to relax
Says one mom, “Before I became a parent, I could just
decompress in my living room without feeling like I was hiding out” and
another: “I always have so much on my mind – being a good mom, wife, employee,
friend, sister, daughter, not to mention getting everything done.”
But learning how to relax doesn’t have to mean disengaging
from life, says Dr. Amit Sood, whose clinic has taught relaxation skills to
more than 40,000 patients. “You don’t have to retreat to your basement and
meditate for 45 minutes.” (Although if that works for you, go for it!) Try
these tips:
Institute family downtime. “A while ago, I read a study
showing that families where both parents work outside the home spend less than
two minutes together when they first reunite in the evening before moving on to
other things,” says Dr. Sood. “So my family purposefully started spending 15
minutes together each evening. We don’t do anything special, we don’t try to
improve each other during that time, we just be. It helps you gain
perspective.”
“A while ago, I
read a study showing that families where both parents work outside the home
spend less than two minutes together when they first reunite in the evening
before moving on to other things”
Let your environment lead the way. For instance, try
listening to a favorite playlist while you do dishes instead of suffering
through the sounds of Power Rangers in the other room. Says one survey
respondent, “When I’m tackling household chores, I put on hip-hop. It energizes
me.”
Don’t numb out. Our first impulse when we’re stressed is
often too dull the feelings – with food, say, or by escaping into bad TV. But
this doesn’t defuse the tension; it just temporarily puts it off. In fact, data
from more than 45,000 people collected over 35 years show that people who
ranked highest on happiness scales watch the least television. Instead, look
through old photo albums, write an over-the-top bucket list, listen to TED
talks, or watch a video from TheMoth.org, a series of cool monologues.
Avoid “contaminated free time.” In other words, you collapse
on the sofa after a long day but you spot a toy on the floor so you go pick it
up, and the next thing you know you’ve spent 20 minutes cleaning. Or you sit
down to send a quick e-mail and 45 minutes later you’re still online. Enjoy
every second of your time off, whether it means turning off your phone or even
leaving the house (and its laundry piles) to go for a walk.
Go to bed 30 minutes earlier. “I always take quiet time at
night,” says one mom. “Sometimes I go to bed extra early just to have time for
myself.”
