In a world of eating fads and crazes, daft is king. Here are some of the more, or, interesting options.

If you knew of a diet that would let you drop eight percent of your weight in 10 days with no hunger and no muscle loss, would you do it? ‘Course you would. But here’s the kicker – you have to imbibe your nutrients through a nasogastric tube. That’s a tube that goes in your nose and down your throat. It stays there for a couple of weeks. You wear it to work. And on the train. Still keen? Hm. Not so much.

Description: Should i try the Liquid, Lemonade or Cabbage Soup Diet today?

Should i try the Liquid, Lemonade or Cabbage Soup Diet today?

Well, it’s popular in Rome, apparently, and increasingly finding a market among US and UK brides who want to drop a few kilos before the last dress fitting. If that seems a bit radical (not to mention pricey, at $1 500), why not follow in the footsteps of that role model of thoughtful, sensible behaviour, Snooki, from the TV series Jersey Shore. She allegedly tried the Cookie Diet. (Sounds like something from Sesame Street, doesn’t it?) You’re allowed to eat six special-recipe cookies during the day and a healthy dinner in the evening.

Description: the Baby Food Diet

the Baby Food Diet

Or how about the Baby Food Diet, which allows you plenty of mushed-up green goop? Or remember the Apple Cider Vinegar Diet, popular some years back? Yes, drinking something disgusting before a meal probably helps you lose weight – by putting you off your dinner.

Having devoted a few entertaining hours to researching diet fads and crazes, I can reliably inform you there’s no short-age of options. The Egg Diet, The Japanese Banana Diet, where one has bananas and lukewarm water for breakfast, which allegedly “Jump-starts” your system. I’m not a huge believer in the notion that the “system” can realistically be “jump-started” by a banana, although I’m not a doctor, as you know. Nonetheless, a banana is, at least, a recognized foodstuff. Unlike a tapeworm which is a parasite and should certainly not be deliberately ingested.

And I’d definitely take eggs or bananas over injections of a hormone found in the placenta of pregnant women. “In this regime, you eat only 2 090kJ a day, which would lead to weight loss even without the placenta jab.) But I have to admit to understanding the attraction of bypassing the whole willpower thing altogether by having yourself medically sedated for days in the Sleeping Beauty Diet.

Description: The Liquid Diet

The Liquid Diet

The Liquid Diet, The Lemonade Diet, The Cabbage Soup Diet, The diet where you delete one unhealthy thing and add one healthy thing each day for a few weeks, by which time you have a close-to-perfectly eating regime. The diet where you eat a different colour food every day Or food that starts with a certain letter of the alphabet. Upping the weirdness stakes still further, we have the Bible Diet, which is based on the idea that certain foods are “unclean” or “clean” in the eyes of God. God apparently has no time for hormones, pesticides or fertilisers.

Whenever I hear about yet another crazy weight-loss regime, I’m reminded of the book, S*t My Dad Says. The aforementioned Dad lost 9 kg. when his son, the author, asked for details. Dad answered: “How? I drank bear piss and took up fencing. How the f*&k you think, son? I exercised.”

And that’s really the bottom line.

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