In a world of eating fads and crazes, daft is king. Here are
some of the more, or, interesting options.
If you knew of a diet that would let you drop eight percent
of your weight in 10 days with no hunger and no muscle loss, would you do it?
‘Course you would. But here’s the kicker – you have to imbibe your nutrients
through a nasogastric tube. That’s a tube that goes in your nose and down your
throat. It stays there for a couple of weeks. You wear it to work. And on the
train. Still keen? Hm. Not so much.
Should i try the
Liquid, Lemonade or Cabbage Soup Diet today?
Well, it’s popular in Rome, apparently, and increasingly
finding a market among US and UK brides who want to drop a few kilos before the
last dress fitting. If that seems a bit radical (not to mention pricey, at $1
500), why not follow in the footsteps of that role model of thoughtful, sensible
behaviour, Snooki, from the TV series Jersey Shore. She allegedly tried the
Cookie Diet. (Sounds like something from Sesame Street, doesn’t it?) You’re
allowed to eat six special-recipe cookies during the day and a healthy dinner
in the evening.
the Baby Food Diet
Or how about the Baby Food Diet, which allows you plenty of
mushed-up green goop? Or remember the Apple Cider Vinegar Diet, popular some
years back? Yes, drinking something disgusting before a meal probably helps you
lose weight – by putting you off your dinner.
Having devoted a few entertaining hours to researching diet
fads and crazes, I can reliably inform you there’s no short-age of options. The
Egg Diet, The Japanese Banana Diet, where one has bananas and lukewarm water
for breakfast, which allegedly “Jump-starts” your system. I’m not a huge
believer in the notion that the “system” can realistically be “jump-started” by
a banana, although I’m not a doctor, as you know. Nonetheless, a banana is, at
least, a recognized foodstuff. Unlike a tapeworm which is a parasite and should
certainly not be deliberately ingested.
And I’d definitely take eggs or bananas over injections of a
hormone found in the placenta of pregnant women. “In this regime, you eat only
2 090kJ a day, which would lead to weight loss even without the placenta jab.)
But I have to admit to understanding the attraction of bypassing the whole
willpower thing altogether by having yourself medically sedated for days in the
Sleeping Beauty Diet.
The Liquid Diet
The Liquid Diet, The Lemonade Diet, The Cabbage Soup Diet,
The diet where you delete one unhealthy thing and add one healthy thing each
day for a few weeks, by which time you have a close-to-perfectly eating regime.
The diet where you eat a different colour food every day Or food that starts
with a certain letter of the alphabet. Upping the weirdness stakes still
further, we have the Bible Diet, which is based on the idea that certain foods
are “unclean” or “clean” in the eyes of God. God apparently has no time for
hormones, pesticides or fertilisers.
Whenever I hear about yet another crazy weight-loss regime,
I’m reminded of the book, S*t My Dad Says. The aforementioned Dad lost 9 kg.
when his son, the author, asked for details. Dad answered: “How? I drank bear
piss and took up fencing. How the f*&k you think, son? I exercised.”
And that’s really the bottom line.
