1. 10 WEEKS PREGNANT
Share the News and Document the Experience
This week, you can • Decide when and how to share the good news
• Begin a keepsake journal for your child
• Use digital photography to document your pregnancy
IN SOME CULTURES there is a specific time
to share the news of a baby’s impending arrival. If you have had
miscarriages or waited years for this moment, you may wish to hold off
on contacting family, friends, and colleagues until more time passes. On
the other hand, you may have already spent a week calling, e-mailing,
and publishing the news on Facebook. There is no right or wrong, as this
is a highly personal bit of news to share.
My only word of caution is to remember that once
the cat is out of the bag, the news is going to spread like wildfire.
Who isn’t excited to hear that a baby is on her way? Unfortunately, it’s
a given that someone is going to be a little miffed by the way they
found out. Uncle Ned is going to be surprised he heard the news from
Cousin Melba rather than directly from you. Aunt Edna is going to be
shocked you posted on Facebook before calling her. And your brother will
wonder why you called your baby sister first. You can’t make everybody
happy. Don’t try. Just do the best you can!
GUESS WHO’S MAKING A LIST AND CHECKING IT TWICE?
The first thing you need to do is to write out a
list of everyone you wish to contact. Try doing this in Microsoft Excel.
It’s so easy to delete, cut, and paste. Then, make categories of folks
who need to know the news. The most common categories are: immediate
family, other family, close friends, colleagues, and other contacts.
Between your and your spouse’s family, it is probably quite a long list.
Do you want to divide the list between you and call everyone on it
personally? Or do you want to personally call a few key people (think
future grandparents and your siblings) and then let them each make a few
calls for you? You and your husband may have very different
relationships with your families. What works for one of you may not work
for the other. Don’t let a difference in family protocol become a bone
of contention.
You will probably want to call your closest
friends, but don’t dismiss the power of e-mail to let the vast majority
of your buddies simultaneously hear the good news. Write out something
special and include a photo of you and your partner. Do you have a
favorite poem? Include anything that will personalize the announcement.
If you are a stepparent, you might want to have a photo of the two of
you with your stepchildren. This will surely make them feel more a part
of the experience.
After the phone calls have been made and the
e-mails sent out, then it’s an appropriate time to post at your favorite
social networking site, provided of course that this is part of the way
you like to communicate on a daily basis. I’ve got friends who post
their ultrasound photos on Facebook so their community of friends can
all see the first images of Junior. It’s your pregnancy. Share it the
way you see fit.
DOCUMENT THE JOURNEY
Go shopping for your journal. You will no doubt
pick up a baby keepsake or pregnancy journal. First-time mothers are
generally great at recording everything so their child will know exactly
what happened when. As the family grows and the novelty of pregnancy
wears off, subsequent pregnancies tend to be less well documented. If
keeping such a record for your child is going to be fun, I invite you to
start a book today. If you are not much of a writer, consider an audio
diary. Or you can set up a small video camera on a tripod and speak
directly to your child. You don’t need to do any of these every
day! Once a week or even once a month will provide your child with a
lovely memento. And don’t think for a minute you have to turn into
Hemingway or Scorsese to make these interesting for your child. In this
case it really is the thought that counts.
Are you at a loss as to what to share? Record your
feelings about the changes in your body. Tell him how you feel about
his dad. Tell her how much you love to dance and that you can’t wait to
teach her. You are unique. Allow this keepsake to reflect who you are.
Above all, keep it positive. My mother told me the excruciating details
of her twenty-five-hour labor every day of my life. Some things are best
kept private.
Some women like to document the changes in their
body. Stand in the same place once a week and have your spouse take a
casual photo. A profile shot can best reveal the more dramatic changes.
At the end you will have a fun collage to share with family, close
friends, and eventually your child. (But save any nude photographs you
might wish to take for your private album.)
If you are a devotee of scrapbooking, you might want to use some of the
scrapbooking techniques and special products to enhance the baby
keepsake you are making for your child. If this is a new world to you,
you can contact a local scrapbooking store like Creative Memories
(e-mail listings are in the Resources section) or check the yellow pages
for your area. And you don’t have to worry about how far your artistic
abilities will take you because all stores have classes.
I’ve had many clients who are very involved in
this style of scrapbooking, and it certainly provides an incredible
outlet for your creativity. Many women form groups and get together
weekly. If you are more of a solitary person, there are extensive
guidelines for digital projects. These of course take up no space in
your physical home and can easily be shared with family and friends.
(For more about photo organization, see page 328.)
This week, explore the possibilities. There are
many choices when it comes to documenting this experience. It’s easier
than ever to instantly share it with those who are far away and relive
the memories for yourself for the rest of your life.
START YOUR JOURNAL
As this week draws to a close, I hope you have
picked out your baby journal and keep it handy. If you are a very
organized person by nature, you may not want to give up your calendar or
your Blackberry. Nor should you. The journal is meant to be an adjunct
to any tools you have used up until now to keep your life on track. Some
of my clients personalize the pages with doodles or stickers. Many keep
them after the birth for reference on the chance they decide to have
another child. They won’t be starting from scratch. It’s also a great
source for your friends who may become pregnant in the future. Women are
passionate about this experience and the people, books, and blogs that
proved useful to the journey.
2. 11-12 WEEKS PREGNANT
Examine Which Medical Tests You May Need
This week, you can • Research the various tests you may be asked to take
In today’s world, you have at your
disposal an array of tests that can tell you a great deal about your
child before he enters the world. The question is, which of these tests
do you need? You will of course decide this with your physician, but I
believe that being informed can only make your experience better.
AVOIDING TEST STRESS
Since you won’t see your care provider very often
during these first few months, it’s a good idea to think about all the
genetic tests available to you early on so you can research and discuss
them with your care provider before you schedule them.
The tests available to you are twofold: screening
and diagnostic. Screening tests determine whether your baby is at an
increased risk of having a specific condition, while diagnostic tests
can actually detect the presence of anomalies and diseases like Down
syndrome and spina bifida. You might be inclined to sign up for
everything “just because.” But there are emotional considerations to
take into account.
First let’s talk about tests that may have
emotional consequences. These fall under the category of screening
tests. Even the closest couples who are in sync about everything need to
have a conversation about screening tests. Let’s take a practical
example. The information you get from a test that screens your baby’s
risk of having Down syndrome is pretty much useless unless you know what
you’ll do with that information. If you would not then opt to go
through with a diagnostic test such as amniocentesis, then the
results of the screening are only good for creating a lot of worry (or
possibly false confidence). Also consider: if you do get a definite
diagnosis, will you do anything differently than you otherwise would?
All the possibilities need to be considered before you venture down the
road of genetic testing. Women over thirty-five or those with previous
histories of specific genetic/chromosomal disorders in the family are
more often advised to get the tests.
Here’s a breakdown of
commonly performed early tests, what they’re for, and when they happen.
The first two are screeners; the latter two are diagnostic.
The AFP (Alpha-fetoprotein) Test
This blood test screens for the risk for neural
tube defects like spina bifida and Down syndrome. It is also called
“maternal serum screening,” “triple screen,” or “quad screen.” It is
usually performed between the 15th and 17th weeks of pregnancy.
Nuchal Translucency Screening/ Nuchal Fold Testing
This early ultrasound (done between 11 and 14
weeks) measures the “nuchal fold,” a translucent area of skin on the
back of the baby’s neck. A fold that departs from the “average” size may
mean an increased risk of Down syndrome or heart abnormality.
Note: It’s important to reiterate that
both of these tests only screen for risk—they don’t diagnose any
conditions. For a diagnosis, the parents would have to follow through
with the more invasive CVS or amniocentesis.
CVS (Chorionic villus sampling) Test
This diagnostic test determines whether a baby
has a chromosomal disorder. A needle or catheter is placed through the
vagina near the uterus or through the abdominal wall to collect a tissue
sample. There is a small risk of miscarriage from this procedure and it
can cause cramping or bleeding and, rarely, other complications. It’s
done early—usually between 10 and 12 weeks. It can diagnose Down
syndrome, cystic fibrosis, sickle cell disease, and several other
chromosomal conditions. It does not diagnose neural tube defects like
spina bifida.
Amniocentesis
This test, probably the most widely known of the
four, is done between 16 and 20 weeks. It can detect nearly all
chromosomal disorders with 99 percent effectiveness and can also
diagnose hundreds of genetic disorders and neural tube defects like
spina bifida. A needle is inserted into the amniotic sac through the
abdominal wall. (The amniotic sac is the “bag” of water protecting the
baby within the uterus.) A small amount of fluid is withdrawn.
Amniocentesis also carries with it a small risk of miscarriage and
cramping is a common side effect.
In addition to genetic tests, you’ll have several
mundane blood tests done throughout the course of your pregnancy. These
are generally done to check your overall health and are usually not
optional. Most blood tests can be done in a care provider’s office,
though sometimes care providers will send women to the local hospital or
lab for routine blood work. This is something women should ask about
when they set up their first appointments. For example, is it
inconvenient for you to travel to a lab or hospital? Would you rather
have everything done in one place? In addition to your comfort and
preference, check your insurance coverage. What if the lab or hospital
is closer to your home but neither is covered under your plan? There you
are trying to be the most prepared mom in the world and the fact that
you opted for convenience could cause you to have an unexpected bill to
pay.
These issues take the romance out of being pregnant, don’t they? And you thought nausea and touchy relatives were a pain.
REWARD YOURSELF
What a first month! You probably thought you were
going to research fun things like cribs and strollers. Now I’ve plunked
oddsounding medical tests on your plate. But don’t panic—we’re taking
this journey one step at a time. By the time you go into labor, you’ll
be an old pro. (And the volume of medical jargon you’ve learned will
simply amaze you.) And instead of having information on scraps of paper
strewn about your home, you have it organized all in one place!
It’s time for you to have a reward. Why not plan a
romantic evening out with your spouse? His life is changing at
lightning speed along with yours. You both deserve some R & R. If
you’re a single mom, this is a good time to start making a habit of
caring for yourself. Join a book club or go see a movie with a friend.
Make sure you’re building relationships with people who will act as your
“village” once your baby is here!
